trapeze

trust

hmmm...its nearly 3 am (am sure theres a leonard cohen song that refers to that time of day!) and my lil fingers itch to tap away and see what words take shape under the influence of tired wearyness and quiet reflection

i am feeling a sense of potential possibility hovering in the air around and above me...almost i am able to reach up onto my tiptoes and pull it close towards me..yet alas it is slightly out of reach tho my fingers touch its edges teasingly...i have been thinking of wildness...juicy wildness... and how one can open up to drink in its influence upon our lives...wildness...

a soul stretching towards and dancing at its edges, surfing the place of known and unknown..diving and dancing between the two..willingly..delightfully.. invitingly...

a life of passion oozing from each pore..its scent intoxicating us and the folk and the world around us...a heart open wide so wide that nothing is denied, nothing is resisted..with true innocence we throw open the doors and windows of our self and stand naked, the light blinding yet illuminating everything...

i love the phrase 'do what makes your heart sing'..it seems so simple yet for me right now there is a conflict within...you see i have all i need in my life.. i have love, family, friendships, work i love, creativity exploding on my living room floor as i write, freedom, health and support...and yet..and yet...something feels amiss...i kinda sense its shape and hue..i hear its whispers in my ear..but you know what is in the way? fear..yes my friends.. god ole big fat fear!

i want to dive in.. i yearn to shake off the confines of fears companionship and say 'what the hell!'...i ask for courage..i make myself vulnerable and say 'fuck! im scared! please help me!'..i want to keep open no matter what and jump into that unknown and dance at the edge of uncertainty, knowing that as long as i listen inwards i will be ok..as long as i trust...

why is that so hard to do? this is what i ask for this year..to face fear and still say 'yes' to the wildness that calls from someplace deeper within me..to believe.. to breathe... to surrender.. to feel.. to live as fully as i possibly can...

amen!

commitment

'Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.'

Goethe

perfectly imperfect

a new year...a new place for our dreams to rest in... a new thought, idea, vision...a new way of being, accepting, surrendering, opening...a new shift in the earths turning cyclical wheel...a new day...a new moon... a new moment...

have you made any resolutions? resolve, or re-solve the mystery of why you habitually make that mistake, take that road, or choose that response? i believe a more kinder way of looking at this age old, and usually fruitless phenomenon, is to change the word 'resolution' into 'intention'.

ah! that feels better already doesnt it? what is your intention? can you check into your body, your heart and your bellys gut intuition? this is where we ought to look and listen if we really want to know what our intention is...

and so i did, this eve, after a meditation and asking for guidance from my higher self, the greater wisdom that holds me, it came to me...'i can, i will, i am'...

can, will, am

feels so so strong, affirmative, focused, directed, and positive for me...as a gal who oozes ideas for creative projects from my pores richly on a daily basis (yes, yes, i know how blessed that is!), unfortunately often those luscious gems of creative threads dont find there way out of the ball they attach to in my mind and time moves on, new ideas crop up, excitement rises, and once again, those threads are loosened from my fingers...i seem to have had this inability to take action, to put in the energy and effort, as well as the plentiful time i have available,on my creative life...and no, i am compassionate enough to know that i do create sometimes, and i teach which in itself is incredibly creative, yet i desire to create daily, to reach out and plug into that source so that it washes over and thro me in a constant and effortless flow...filling me, inspiring me, transforming me...

instead sloth kicks its heels into my back, neighing loudly and pushing me to stay in bed, to watch that tv programme, to potter, to waste time on activities that quite frankly often do not fill me from the inside...and so...

i can, i will, i am...

*put energy, effort and time into my creative life

*focus on filling me from the inside with juicy play, pleasure, practice, silence, nature time, friendships that nourish, good foods, adequate sleep (eek says the night owl), and mostly oodles of self love and care

*accept the now, where i am, and keep making those lil steps towards my dreams

*keep coming home to myself , thro my body, my breath, and my senses

*open deeper and deeper to trust, faith, grace and patience

*believe in myself as the gorgeous, delightful being that i am

*practice gratitude for all the abundance i have

*be braver and take risks especially when i dont know what the outcome will be

*love love love

*be perfectly imperfect

what is your new year intention?