Saturday, 2 February 2013

40daysbefore40 day 40: day 40!!!!!! Happy birthday to me :-) xxx

Now it's here I don't quite know what to say...

It's been an emotional day to be honest...I think for all sorts of reasons I am feeling pretty overwhelmed...with love...with gratitude...with tiredness (I haven't been sleeping properly all week )...with the under current murmur that this is my last post and with that a surprised hint of loss and amazement that 'Oh my god..I have done it! I have really done! :-)'...and the fact that, yep, I am now...40 (that's hit me kinda hard today I have to admit)...

and so...what now?

Well folk...this is time to say goodbye...thank you for journeying with me...for your support, love, ideas, and for taking an interest in some crazy lasses prayer of a project...

It's been wild :-)

And here I stand...the next steps??

That's for me to find out :-)


The end......?

Friday, 1 February 2013

Day 39 part 2....




Happy exhaustion















Total n utter exhaustion!!

Hmmm...where I thought I would be an hour before hitting 40?? Of course not...but there you go..the whole full on washing machine spin dry of emotion...and here I am...posting it goddamn it I am not giving up now!!

So...bed bed bed...sleep and...tomorrow is another day...another year...another decade

Thanks for listening to my truth this eve...just sayin it how it is

Nighty night xxx

40daysbefore40 day 39: gamut of emotions part 1 (basically because I cannot work my sisters iPad and I seem to not be able to finish this post so please click on part 2 to finish reading!) ta xxx!!!

Here I am

Hello dear ones...I am sat in a hotel room in the city of Budapest...yep siree ya read that right :-) did I get here?? well let's start from early this morning...waaaay early than the goes...the penultimate day of my thirties and of this project reads something like this....;-)

3:30am doorbell rings...dear friend at the half asleep having decided that 11pm was the perfect time to die ones hair and start packing (hmmmm!!), a couple of ours sleep later, a beaming sleepy smile and hug greet me...kettle on, soft talk shared, packed case ready...

5am...our chariot arrives (dad, bless him) and two become four as mom and sis are part of this adventure too...airport, coffee, duty free!...planted seats on that ole bus of the sky and we are off (now, I only discovered this mystery destination late last loved ones having planned n plotted to secret me away for my amazing is that?!)...favourite pastime dreaming...gazin outta the window and wondering what it must be like to bounce amongst those fluffy balls of cottony ground...I love flying, even tho I find it such a strange activity!...a gorgeous dear friend recently mused on how life in limbo time is like those flights...we know where we got on and what that place looked like, and then we travel, somewhere new, nothing we need do but sit back and wait...unable to view the scape below, and yet we know that it is changing all the time, in each moment...we can't get off until its the right time, until we 'land' again, all's like that place known as the void, when we are in the process of change, when we have done all we needed to do, until it's no longer in our hands...all we can do is wait, trust and wait...oh, and get off when it is time! I kinda feel like that place now, only hours from 40, seatbelt fastened for landing, descent begun :-)

Taxi and eastern views...a land toughened by tough times...Budapest city and hotel arrival

And then it happened...they say it happens in here's the three folks:
My phone will not signal...and I feel a rise of disappointment..I am a day away from 40...I know dear friends will contact me..and I know if I have no signal here then I will not even be able to pick up my messages when home mon eve...maybe I'm being silly, but I start to feel sad...
Heart feels like it starts to tighten..
And then the next thing happens...
I open my suitcase and it has been touched by someone else's hands...a few gifts and cards I brought with to open tomorrow have been ripped apart, tissue paper litters my bag, some random beads nestling amongst my clothes..and I it hits me...someone has been rifling through my bag, maybe has taken something, has without heart ripped into a strangers life, and I start to shake...shock rips thro me and I begin to cry...
Oh and the third? Bless my body but it chooses that exact moment to, ahem, bring its monthly gift..oh joy!!

A few brandys later, us four shaken n stirred, phone repaired thanks to nice talk talk voice on the end of the ethers Skype, energy moved as I shook and stomped it through me, and off out we to..well where else when you have just arrived in foreign lands? That's right, off to the police station to get a report for my insurance

Half hour walk...two hour wait...four deranged ladies (did this happen in sex and the city??)....all reported and forms filled and time for dinner
It's now 6pm...

Things start to calm down as we take our seats in a gorgeous Italian restaurant and gorge on pizza salad and potato had been literally hours since we had eaten...

Another walk through eve city quiet streets...a wee bar by the Danube greets us to pause for a nightcap and rest our weariness as we take in the lights and beauty around us...and then hotel calls us to find the nest to drop our bones into dream times pleasures...

Blimey!! What a day!...

Ok universe..what the hell just happened??

Did you need me to run through the gamut of all of my emotions just before my big day? Like a yearly check to make sure they are all inworking order??