Sunday, 27 March 2011

poetry of presence


spirals spiral their swirling dance within my bones, my blood, my flesh...fed and fueled by my far i go depends on the deepening of my breathing far i go depends on the release of my breath out

feeling blessed and alive...just been on a weekend with the wonderful ya-acov darling-khan...movement medicine...'the poetry of presence'...(see link)...immersion in the body...coming home to the only place that is real..inside..dancing within and without.. exploring connection, to earth, to sun, to heart, to an-other, to the world

i love this can it even be called that??..more like pleasure, a necessity, a life pulse, a reminder of what is real, what its all about.. a reminder that no matter what life brings in its thrills n spills, there truly is 'no place like home'...oh how easy it is to forget, to not give attention to that which supports it is it possible to live life without that conversation with the intelligence that is always with us?...and thats the beauty isnt it?..its always with us.. everything we need is always a mere breath of awareness away!

so what did i remember? well, i remembered my roots, my connection to me these roots felt strong and firm, yet i also felt that i could loosen up the effort to feel that support a little...i didnt have to try so hard..its there.. i am supported.. i have a strong ground.. and yet i think i never really trusted that so much before.. so i loosened it up a little...invited my hips and pelvis to shake it up and become freer.. and in doing so i rediscovered my playfulness, my mischievous energy... i felt that 'secure attachment' i never felt as a child, the knowing i am safe and held which allows me to 'play out' more... wonderful!

i experienced my body freeing up and the bliss and pleasure of moving right out to my edges.. edges i havent previously really payed much attention to before.. but this time i did pay attention, i breathed right to the tips of my fingers, the tips of my toes.. i felt alive, awake, sensual, fiery and a little tiger like if am honest... the funny thing is i wore this tiger print top, which quite frankly is kinda hideous, and purchased many months ago for the mere sum of a pound!..i was this tiger..roaring inside and undulating with the waves of my life force

and i touched my of the qualities of my self i have been getting to know over the last year is my shyness..yes folks.. tho i might often pour out my heart here in a somewhat cavalier and humourous manner, deeply within i am a shy gal! part of me that i have denied in shame in the past..i am gently learning to sit with her, to allow her hiding and to place her more deeply in my i let her be there in the dance, at the same time takin a lil risk every now n then to reach out, to touch another, and to be touched by another.. slowly and cautiously she shows her face in wonder to the world

so much more but i recall i am writing a blog not a book!

be yourself.. love yourself.. you are fuckin beautiful!!

Thursday, 24 March 2011



a time of awakenings...possibilities...hope...tenacity...movement...and innocence

the grass at this time of the year seems young and fresh, there is a bravery in the blossoming of the buds showing all of themselves, a vulnerability that is breathless...they cannot know if the next gust of wind will see them fall...or if a storm may rush thro tearing them from their home on the branch...we can learn from their courage.

i love this time of the year as i feel a renewal within me of anything is possible, of being able to start makes me think that i have now a new choice, to continue the same pattern of living, of tending the habitual tendencies that has caused me suffering in the past, or of stepping into the unknown, of taking a deep breath, and of letting myself see the world as if for the first time...of taking a risk, a different dance forwards, an unchartered belief or thought...i can let go of being lead by the past and stand more deeply in this moment and towards a future that is not yet do this i call upon the strength and magic of reclaiming my innocence.

innocence is a return to the childlike state of not knowing...of starting over and dropping what we think we know...we become empty, yet not needy or wanting, simply pure and content just as we are by the presence and presents of each moment... by the time we grow up we are so beset with the worlds 'knowledge', from schooling, parenting, society, books, teachers, dogma, religion etc...we become full of information, laws, right and wrong, the opinion of this is how it is!..but by reclaiming our innocence once more we can start afresh, tapping into the wisdom that is all around us.

innocence is not ignorance. it is not a place of naiviety or playing is a state of wonder and openness to it all, without shutting down, holding back or playing it safe 'just in case' is not jaded, nor is not asleep nor is a totally open place of receptivity, vulnerability, awareness and beauty.

osho talks of innocence in his book 'maturity' saying:
'whenever you understand that you have missed life, the first principle to be brought back is innocence. drop your knowledge, forget your scriptures, forget your religions, your theologies, your philosophies. be born again, become innocent- and it is in your hands. clean your mind of all that is not known by you, of all that is borrowed, all that has come from tradition, convention. all that has been given to you by others- just get rid of it. once again be simple, once again be a child. and this miracle is possible by meditation.'

Wednesday, 16 March 2011


bleeding woman

squatting on the earth she feeds the ground
the juice of her womb pulling away from the warmth of her dark place,
dripping out the old, old yearnings, old wisdom, old cycle of time,
to nourish the gasping soil hungry for this gift.

did you know that in olden times, times when god was goddess and the elder was held in high esteem of a life long lived, womens menstrual blood was used as a fertiliser to nourish the growing crops? it wasnt seen as 'dirty', or an annoyance, or an inconvenience, yet as a profound gift from woman to mama earth.

hmmm..not sure how that would go down at your local allotment!!

this picture of 'bleeding woman' was painted a few years ago with the blessing of my holy blood. always at my moon time i become her, aching with this heaviness to flush out and release as an offering to the earth, in return for a sense of shedding what i may have been carrying this past month.what a graceful and raw exchange!

if anyone may be interested to learn more about the energetic and emotional and magic of your (or your partner's for that matter!) monthly cycle then check out the wonderful wisdom of alexandra pope at

Friday, 11 March 2011

the dance of resistance

why do we practice yoga? or meditation? i have been reflecting on my own commitment to these and other practices that i have in my life. i have been thinking about what it is that i receive from taking the time to offer my intention and time to getting on my mat. why is it that this sometimes becomes a lil dance of struggle? (gulp! am admitting that yes, even this yoga teacher of many years, sometimes finds herself amidst a huge drama of resistance to simply starting). a friend of mine said something yesterday that really hit home i thought, that commiting to our practice (or whatever it might be that feeds our soul), is really about turning up for yourself. how true is that! i mean noone else is gonna be able to give us exactly what we find when we make that connection, experience that journeying inwards, take that breath, and feel the space within us. noone else can do that for us, whilst we put our feet up, and have a cup of tea! we have to turn up in order to begin. thats the first step folks!

now thats really inspiring and incredibly true, yet, why is it that when it becomes time to practice, suddenly the intense desire to get down on my hands and knees and scrub the kitchen floor seems to flood over me?! dont get me wrong, i hardly ever have that kind of enthusiasm for lifes lil domestic tasks usually so i am always appreciative of my efforts, yet why the resistance? why is it difficult to 'turn up for me'? this is actually quite a painful realisation. that i hesitate to 'do this for me'. do i not love myself? do i not feel worthy of this?? am i simply a lazy slob??? no, whilst there may be elements of these suggestions, i feel that its a matter of discipline and commitment, of actually taking the first step, and simply, starting!

yes, quite radical really isnt it?! simply start! take the first breath, lie on the mat, stand in mountain and close your eyes, sit and place your hand on your heart and doesnt matter how you start, just begin. because i tell you what, once i begin, whatever the practice, whether it be yoga or source painting, i cant stop! yes truly. i dont want to stop once i have begun. i always get amazed at why i had to reorganize my wardrobe before my practice today! and desire to keep moving my energy ALWAYS happens! remarkable isnt it!

do you know why i feel like i just want to carry on stretching and breathing, or sinking into my bones, or stroking the paint onto the paper? because it feels so deeply delicious. it feels right. i feel alive, even if what i connect to is uncomfortable or painful. i feel like i am home. blimey! after all that struggle it feels like a cool glass of water on a hot day and that feels mighty fine indeed!

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

native american wisdom

The Indian Ten Commandments

Treat the Earth and all that dwell therein with respect

Remain close to the Great Spirit

Show great respect for your fellow beings

Work together for the benefit of all Mankind

Give assistance and kindness wherever needed

Do what you know to be right

Look after the well-being of Mind and Body

Dedicate a share of your efforts to the greater Good

Be truthful and honest at all times

Take full responsibility for your actions

Friday, 4 March 2011

written meditation

wait...what do i need?

i need to breathe....3 deep
i notice the
after i exhale it comes...the pause....a stop....
...a place to rest in........... feel my body against the cushions behind and supporting me.... i supported?.............can i let go into that support a lil more?......
....aaah!......the ache in my shoulder....i feel it....i breathe into it......
the absolute tiredness......i feel it as a wave thro me........stopping clarity
.....stopping my truly being in the moment....this moment.....
...what can i hear? outside on the street below.....
............a buzzin in my ears......buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........
silence.......underneath it all......silence.....holding it all....
.........aaah......the stillnesss that supports all the movement.....
all the chaos....the creativity of the world........... eyelids feel heavy......
............can i find that space?........a lil space for this lil lady to rest in?........ its there and holds all of its gone.....
and back it comes......weaving in and out....i rest there awhile...
..... a weary traveller........a moment to rest breathe feel.... to come home

Wednesday, 2 March 2011


om namah shivaya...the dance of life and death.. creation and destruction...the never-ending cycles which churn and spiral all of life...letting go, breathing out, surrendering... opening to receive , breathing in, expanding outwards and towards...celebrate it all in the rich tapestry of your life... and dance, dance, dance in honour of it all!

Mahashivaratri Festival or the ‘The Night of Shiva’ is celebrated with devotion and religious fervor in honor of Lord Shiva, one of the deities of Hindu Trinity. Shivaratri falls on the moonless 14th night of the new moon in the Hindu month of Phalgun, which corresponds to the month of February - March in English Calendar. Celebrating the festival of Shivaratri devotees observe day and night fast and perform ritual worship of Shiva Lingam to appease Lord Shiva.

Legends of Mahashivratri
There are various interesting legends related to the festival of Maha Shivaratri. According to one of the most popular legends, Shivaratri marks the wedding day of Lord Shiva and Parvati. Some believe that it was on the auspicious night of Shivaratri that Lord Shiva performed the ‘Tandava’, the dance of the primal creation, preservation and destruction. Another popular Shivratri legend stated in Linga Purana states that it was on Shivaratri that Lord Shiva manifested himself in the form of a Linga. Hence the day is considered to be extremely auspicious by Shiva devotees and they celebrate it as Mahashivaratri - the grand night of Shiva.

Traditions and Customs of Shivaratri
Various traditions and customs related to Shivaratri Festival are dutifully followed by the worshippers of Lord Shiva. Devotees observe strict fast in honor of Shiva, though many go on a diet of fruits and milk some do not consume even a drop of water. Devotees strongly believe that sincere worship of Lord Shiva on the auspicious day of Shivaratri, absolves a person of sins and liberates him from the cycle of birth and death. Shivaratri is considered especially auspicious for women. While married women pray for the well being of their husbands unmarried women pray for a husband like Lord Shiva, who is regarded as the ideal husband.

To mark the Shivratri festival, devotees wake up early and take a ritual bath, preferably in river Ganga. After wearing fresh new clothes devotees visit the nearest Shiva temple to give ritual bath to the Shiva Lingum with milk, honey, water etc.

On Shivaratri, worship of Lord Shiva continues all through the day and night. Every three hours priests perform ritual pooja of Shivalingam by bathing it with milk, yoghurt, honey, ghee, sugar and water amidst the chanting of “Om Namah Shivaya’ and ringing of temple bells. Nightlong vigil or jaagran is also observed in Shiva temples where large number of devotees spend the night singing hymns and devotional songs in praise of Lord Shiva. It is only on the following morning that devotee break their fast by partaking prasad offered to the deity.