...gotta have faith ffaith ffaith! (tell em george!!)

welcome to the time of the year for letting go dear ones...the first harvesting, the time for re-assessment, and the brave acknowledgment of where, just maybe, we are getting in the way of it all goddamit!!!...a leap into the unknown, dropping the old mind, the old ways, and shaking things loose, all clears us ready to be filled anew for the journey towards the dark of the year :-)

the following quote, by the ever wise, ever inspiring pema chodron, has captured my attention this week and has been resonating and vibrating its wisdom through my bones...

''By not knowing, not hoping to know and not acting like we know what's happening, we begin to access our inner strength''

hmmm...not knowing hey?!...interesting as i have found that over the last few months a certain thought has been playing on repeat like a scratched vinyl record in my mind...''how do i do it!!''..or sometimes its cousin chimes in...''i dont know how to do it!!''...the key being the word 'how', and the belief that somehow it's 'i' that needs to, well, 'do it!' (whatever it is..lets say for arguements sake we will call 'it', 'life itself')...so, armed ready and willing to step deeper into the dance of life i feel like i stall at the first gateway...you see, as many of you might relate, i am one of those folk that, you might say, has the tiniest issue with being in control...i mean ever so slightly of course, needing everything and everyone to fit into my vision of how it should be!...i seem to hold this cherished idea of how life should be, what happens next, how you must behave, and woe betide if plans dont match mine!!...dont get me wrong, im no tyrant (at least i dont think i am and i am pretty sure that someone might have sat me down and pointed that out if so), but my need to control all aspects of my life means i need to 'know'...how, when, why, what etc...in fact the whole damn gamut!!...you see the more i am in control, the more, i have always believed, i am 'safe'...safe and secure from the uncertainties of life..those ghastly uncertainties that can truly mess up a chica's best made clipboard holding plans!!...gulp!

what i realise recently, and this came to me quite starkly in a recent meditation, is that by needing to know and control pretty much every aspect of my life doesnt leave any space for the magic, mystery and manifestation to appear..none...nada...zilch...gulp again!!...and in fact, its exactly these uncertainties that hold the key to life's mystery, magic and...erm...manifestations!...so, all those years of holding on tightly and putting everything into a box marked 'this is how it should be', has meant narrowing the tunnel of life's flow, just letting a trickle through, when a whole goddamn ocean of myriad delights has been passing me by!...bummer!!

not knowing hey?...shit thats scary!

you see, my old way had its reasoning folk...if i knew exactly how it was going to be then i could 'protect' myself...i could support myself and ensure that the troublesome experience of an unpredictable life couldnt hurt me, or disappoint me...and yet though this may be true i was in fact living in a separate little bubble...disconnected and certainly not deeply in relationship to life (which ironically i have been seeking and yearning for for many years)...you see, its this relationship to life, when we get outta the way of 'knowing' how it should be, tho filled with uncertainty, hurt, disappointment and chaos, also holds deep joy, love, connection, and the richness of human vulnerable engagement...its a whole spectrum of colours!

which brings me to the key 'friend' here...that as we drop a little more, putting down the clipboard, the plans, the 'how to's' and 'know hows', emptying our hands, unburdening our shoulders, hearts and mind, and offering ourselves into the spacious chasm of the gateway marked '??'...reach out your hand and ask for faith...as all the old false foundations of 'safety' come falling down, hold her hand tight and feel her support...we wont crumble and disappear...we cant lose ourselves if we feel our feet n bellies n heart...and we cant get lost if we ask her to guide and hold us...faith is our friend and the hand to rest into as we head out far far beyond the gateway marked 'unknown' xxx

as mister george michael said in one of his 80's moments

'i gotta have faith...!'

Finally I leave you with the words of rumi…a reminder of how to respond to life from a place of faith and not knowing xxx

‘sell your cleverness, and buy bewilderment’

Ho! x

being our own champion

unless you have been living under a rock, behind a tree, on the moon, or sailing the seven seas, it cannot have escaped your attention that the world, and particularly the UK, has been caught up in the frenzy of Olympic fever!...for just over 10 days now, this epic and iconic competition of what seems to me to be bionic super human feats, has been unraveling in a kaleidoscope of emotion, both the highs and lows...though not usually a sporting enthusiast, the moments i have sat down to watch have filled me with a mixture of awe, joy, bewilderment (erm...the steeplechase?? discus throwing ???) and at times have left me very moved indeed (Saturday nights triple gold anyone! :-))

with a cast of hundreds and the support of thousands, these athletes of adamantine proportions, and super glowing health seem to achieve the impossible...which got me to thinking...what is it that lifts us with such internal force and drive, to leap (in this case quite literally!) and go for...ahem...gold? :-) 

in the case of these god and goddess like Olympians, their preparation will have been incredibly consuming; countless hours, days, weeks and months of practice; the right diet and healthy living; focus, concentration and the willingness to dig deeper, further, and out n' beyond the 'edges'...

and yet, what strikes me as probably the most important thing, as seen so clearly on the faces of these athletes, is the sense of utter and total self belief!..it's palpable...not just in the diamond hard focus, but in the body language, the way a head is held up, chest open and lifted, and in the (probably) one thought that repeats like a mantra in their mind...''i am the champion..i can do this..i am the best!!''...not only this, but the support of the home crowd surely increases the energy and intent by a 1000%...we all know what it is like to have the support and 'go for it!' mentality of our friends and loved ones...it's like a power source, and one that we can plug into...it reminds me of practicing together with others...the experience seems to deepen the intensity of whatever we are doing...in fact it is said that chanting mantras with others increases their (what i like to call..) super power by 100!!..incentive to head down to your local class or join a sangha indeed!!

now, as the years of my practice have eroded and sometimes sand-papered (well it times it can feel like that!!!) the layers of 'stuff' that has been hiding my light from the world, i have reached, what i feel to be, a deep rooted belief, or samskara (the yogic term for an ingrained habit or belief)...i kinda always knew it was lurking beneath and now it has come up to the surface...its a tricky one my friends, as when i feel into it, not seeking to avoid, distract, resist it, it feels uncomfortable, painful and a little (technical term alert!) icky!...what is this?...deep breath...it's my lack of self confidence, belief and value in my own self and worth...phew!!!..i told ya it was a biggy!

so...time to don the warrioress's gown, tighten my belt of power, and put up my shining shield against getting lost down this particular hole!..not this time lil samskara..no i will not run from you...it's time to use the force and go head to head!...and my weapon of choice?...

a mantra...

its been a while since i last used mantras for a specific practice, but nonetheless i am a devoted champion of their magic abilities...this time, i have called upon the mantra for building...erm...self confidence :-)...the late acharya thomas ashley farrand describes his take on this chant:

''...i wish i could give this mantra to every woman who has doubts about her own abilities or her own power. associated with the feminine principle, this mantra produces an extremely powerful effect, giving a sense of one's power, and the wisdom to use that power wisely''

sounds good hey?!

so..here it is..traditionally you would chant this with intention for a period of 40 days...using a mala (108 beads strung together to count), or your fingers..or simply chant this as you go through the day...there is plenty of information available on the web if you are interested in deepening your understanding of working with mantras..though i do recommend thomas farrands book 'healing mantras'

om eim hrim klim chamundayei vichei namaha

(om and salutations to she who is radiant with power and wisdom)

eim=the seed sound for saraswati, the goddess of sounds, the arts, and sciences...she also helps dispel certain types of negative energy

hrim=the seed sound for dissolving illusion, for cleansing, purification and inspiration

klim=the seed sound for attraction and abundance

chamunda=the beautiful aspect of the feminine, which can also be utterly destructive to a wide variety of negative forces and influences

yei= a shakti activating sound

namaha= i place my life at the feet of the highest/ i bow to you

so far i have been chanting this mantra for about 3 weeks and am loving how it seems to open me, lift my heart, and after a period of resistance, gives me a feeling of peacefulness within myself :-)..i will certainly be continuing for the 40 day traditional period and lets see what happens!

being my own champion; belief in who i am and what i offer to the mandala of life; valuing my service to life, my expression and my presence; illuminating with the simplicity of my being; self confidence alongside humility (very important or we end up arrogant...another imbalance to this 3rd chakra energy)...i call in all of these qualities, and i bow in gratitude to the beauty that lies within the potential of each and every one of us...xxx

 

the art of alchemy

 'tears to prayers'...print and cards available from my new etsy shop :-)

'alchemy' is one of my favourite words...like 'serendipity', 'ethereal' (which inspired my hardly ever heard guitar song about ethel real!!), and 'sumptuous', its a word that offers a whole world of whirlwind wonderings...a portal into a new layer of meaning.

traditionally alchemists were the magicians, wizards and witches of olde, their quests for turning one object into another, filled with ritual and scientific speculation, filled their days n nights with endless experimentation...the search for the elusive philosopher's stone the key anchor to their explorations...the philosopher's stone is a legendary substance said to be capable of turning base metals e.g. lead, into gold or silver...it was also sometimes believed to be an elixir of life, useful for rejuvenation and possibly for achieving immortality...for many centuries, it was the most sought-after goal in western alchemy...the philosopher's stone was the central symbol of the mystical terminology of alchemy, symbolizing perfection at its finest, enlightenment, and heavenly bliss. 

for me, the philosopher's stone is a metaphor for the potent potentiality contained within every living cell, of every living thing, be that vegetable, animal or mineral, or, that excruciatingly exquisite human creature that is you or me!

with the power of intention, the furnace of the heart, the key ingredients of authenticity, the feeling body and commitment to the process, each one of us can step into our own finely (or crudely, if that floats ya boat!) laboratory and perform, with a flourish if you prefer, a little bit of magic of our own :-)

each time we step on our mat...every moment we come to sit, open and delightfully human in meditation...with the conscious desire to embody our breath and bones on the dance floor in a dance as meditation practice...and by staying engaged and willing to follow the daimons direction as we put paint to paper, or mould clay by the gentle pulsing of our warm and alive hands...all of these practices, if the 'temperature' of that particular moment in time, and the 'key ingredients' artfully measured are in place, can connect us to the power of the alchemical process.

i had an experience of this only a few hours ago....after teaching my morning class, belly satiated and my fire fuelled with lunch, i came to my cushions to sit...simply sit...i knew i had to, you see, as lately i realise that as soon as i feel slightly 'odd', or 'not quite with it', to use some fine technical terms!, i know that i have somehow disconnected...you know, become unplugged from the source somehow, as if my wiring has gone a little askew...so, without a plan of action, i sat, breathed, and prayed...now, when i use the word 'prayer', i have to say, that its all very low key... in fact, my version of prayer, is simply, talking out loud!...there i said it...we all do it, talk to ourselves...some of us even take this private conversing out onto the streets...though they might be the kind of folk to avoid looking direct into their eyes, or on second glance, they might be talking into one of those fancy phone sets...in any case they look kinda strange!

something amazing happens when i talk out loud (or to give it its fancy name, pray!)...i hear my words, and as i hear them, and receive them, i connect with their resonance...what i mean by that, is that i can feel whether i am telling the truth about my experience, or am talking a load of baloney!!...my words touch me, with their energy and their simplicity..today, i talked about my yearnings at my heart...tears fell and as i softened into them, and offered up all i was feeling, the tenderness of my human self, something began to shift...my heart began to open, to feel expansive, and as a few more big tears emptied from the well within my heart space, and as i cleared out a little more space, i relaxed into a feeling of restfulness, of a sweet joy, and i felt a voice within repeating ''all is well''.

riding on this wave of expansion, i now sit, at a life filled coffee house, and write these words...i feel clearer, more settled, and most importantly, more alive!...something happened this afternoon, something that occurs quite frequently when i come to my practices, whether with enthusiasm and excitement, or having to pull my weary and resistant body and mind into beginning...this something? a little dose of alchemy :-)

so... i would like to offer you a little list of, what i see as, magical, alchemical moments in the life we live...enjoy!

''tears to prayers

runny egg to hardboiled

dancing, yoga, moving the body

pale skin to tanned in the sun

a walk in nature

an orgasm

scissors,glue gun, fabric and glitter

a warm hand on your back

blank canvas to a soul stirring painting

some strings, a wooden instrument and fingers

waltzers

ice to water to steam

the words 'i love you'

the words 'its over'

faces of loved ones

spanish sherry

saying 'yes'

saying 'no'

make up

egg sperm cell baby

zombies

day to night and back again

seeds, sun, water and love

a magic wand

ideas, inspiration, intention, n action 

a new choice

daring to risk

lycra

letting go

gorgeous food into fuel and shit

communicating from the heart

polaroid film

believing

love

xxx

 

the art of presence

 (photo from one of my camera artist dates)

julia cameron would be so proud of me this week :-)....for those of you left with a blank stare of non recognition, ms cameron was responsible for perhaps one of the most seminal and important books on creativity over the last few decades ('the artists way')...alongside, daily journal writing, which i take to also include the click click clicking of keys forming the words of my mind on these pages; she also suggested a weekly 'artist date'...some time set aside for yourself, that didnt involve cleaning, sorting, or any other kind of distraction, but did involve a healthy dollop of creative stimulation to feed one's soul :-)

living in a city, the variety of date like solo stylee venturings is a little like being a child in, erm, willy wonka's chocolate factory! galleries, book stores, thrift shops, and outings with a camera have all seen my creative inbox a swelling...but this week, my medium of choice was film...2 to be precise...ahhh i can almost hear my creative muse purring in delight of being spoilt treated in such a way!

the first was a trip into the workings of the late dance choroegrapher pina bausch. With her unique style, a blend of movements, sounds and prominent stage sets, and with her elaborate cooperation with performers during the composition of a piece (a style now known as Tanztheatre), she became a leading influence since the 1970s in the world of modern dance....the movie showed a section of her creations, performed and recreated by her loyal and dedicated troupe of dancers...beautiful, strong, deep, vital, powerful and emotive pieces...

the second movie, requiring a trip down the road to the local art house cinema, was entitled 'the artist is present', and was a documentary on the great living, perhaps some might say grandmother, of performance art, marina abromavic...having offered herself in service to her art for over 40 years, this was a fascinating portrayal inside the mind of this, once again, strong, powerful and incredible brave and magnetic woman...

though inspiring in bucketloads by themselves, i have been struck by several themes that seem to resonate at the heart, not only of living a creative life as an artist, but also living a life that is creative...there is a difference dear ones...in fact i recall how last summer, attending a workshop on being a 'holy artist' with a grand tribe of like minded dancing souls, i had arrived with the question ''how do i live as an ARTIST??'' rolling around the crevices of my mind...through the power of the dance, energetic work, laughter, friendship, and a huge amount of risk taking later, i flew out the other side of the week, that question dissolved into a new one, that rattled deep within my bones, ''how do i LIVE as an artist??"...as it happened, at that time, and for many months later, the answer felt as solid, real and ridiculously simple as if i had always known it!....fast forwards a year later, and the art of remembrance carries me through....the answer?

PRESENCE

yep...i told you it was easy peasy...a small word, yet one that contains the whole wide world within it...what is presence? well, i certainly know when i am around someone who has it....they seem to 'be' right down to their belly, every word evoked an evocation of truth, of fullness, of gravitas, and of embodiment....observing students, when suddenly becoming present in a part of their body they hadnt, as such, visited before, a light comes on behind their eyes, and though this might seem odd, there is a sense of being filled up from the inside...their bodies become more solid, more sculptural, their very being pulses with a sense of vitality....there is a definite knowing that they are 'home'!

when i am present, i am here...yes yes i know thats obvious, but....most of the time i am thinking of the past, or fretting/ planning/ procrastinating about the future (anyone else with me on that one??)....when present, its as if no time exists..only now...and in that i am aware of every sensation in my body, almost as if the dial of amplification has been volted to full force...i feel my energy moving..i am clear, and can speak my truth, as well as recognise if something i am about to announce does not ring a ring ring right down to my gut...when present i am with the folk i am hanging with, with my breath and arms as i stretch my arms in palm tree pose, with the feelings of loss when saying goodbye to an old friend, or the feelings of joy as i step into what feels the next step of service to spirit...

how can we not live as whole as we can? is that not the practice and ultimately the purpose of yoga?

so, returning back to the two dazzlingly inspiring creative souls i have had the pleasure of getting to know a teeny bit more this week...what they both had in common, besides vision, courage to create, an ambitiously hungry palate for their work, and the neccessity of delving deeper and deeper into the realm of human emotion and relationship, was, the importance and significance of presence....pina acknowledged at one point how having her eyes lowered helped her to 'be' in her body to express an echoingly yearning character through dance; marina created a 3 month long ode to presence in her MOMA retrospective, one that moved me to tears...

if you have reached the end of this piece with me, then thank you, and i will leave you with a musing from the marina film (probably not verbatim as it was dark in the movie theatre!)

''it does not matter what kind of art we create, its your state of mind that matters''

xxx

 

its always been this way

Mnemosyne….goddess of memory…the mother of the 9 muses of greek origin…is present now…with this breath….the feel of the woollen wove rug beneath the barefoot soul I extend deeper into it…she is present in the aching of my calves, to stretch this way, that way, extending my limbs in shapes known and ancient…arising from the state of ‘being’, of paying attention, of arriving to my practice destination ‘?’, the intention to open and receive and return home being the map to guide me…music chosen today soft, undulating, reflecting my pulse on this strange humid heavy day…and so I follow, I mean jesus what else can I do?!...and so I follow, and as I pursue in languid fascination the movements of my body, I soften into the edges, opening up a little more into a shaded cavern in the crevices of a city slammed body and mind…breath rushes in, light its friend and I expand…god this feels delicious, and after some time purring contentedly into that shape I feel the impulse to shift, to transform and a new path guides me someplace new…

When I come to my practice with the states of ‘innocence’ and ‘inner sense’ my mantra this is what takes shape….some of the shapes my body responds into, following its own memory, are unknown to me, simply the whispered traces of spirit passing through momentarily..and yet some are known, though fascimiles of the yoga asanas, bound to the memory of my muscle, engrained like habits, serving me well this time (hurrah for ‘good’ habits!), seem older than me, older than the yogi(ni)s first flourishing in forest fabled times..these shapes seem to echo those of my ancestors, my ancients, our ancients, linked through our DNA always and forever, renewing and responding with each new life breathed alive into conscious being…

I am reminded as I practice, and it touches me, that I move in the ways of my tribe…my brothers n sisters of the yoga world, those I share space and sometimes a moment of connection with on the dancefloor of my dance practice, my parents, perhaps dancing their first dance of life on their wedding day, or the dance that created me, the dance of my grandparents (apparently my mother’s folks met at a tea dance at manchester’s famous ‘ritz’ nightclub, a venue I have also frequented and stepped my steps on the bouncy dancefloor (yes really)); the dance of my ancestors moving from lands known to new; the dance of my forefathers and mothers in ceremony, in celebration, for the goddamn pure joy of moving their bodies….

we have always moved..its in our nature…did you know that the familiar shouting out of ‘ole’ in the grandly soul filled dance of flamenco stemmed from its origins in Sufi dance..the twirl and ecstasy of the dancer so provoked the appearance within themselves of ‘god’ that folk would shout out ‘allah’ in recognition and honour of that literally awesome moment…

And so, as my body allows, perhaps for the briefest of moments, a chance to ‘be’ without my head in the control room, my body breath and heart sing spirits unique song through me, linking me with all of life itself…this is why I practice, this is what awakens and wakes me up…my grateful heart rests in wonder as these words roll out to greet you…

grab life by the arm....

''grab life by the arm and tear chunks of flesh from its bones with our teeth...''

'100 months' john hicklenton

the sun makes a rare celebrated appearance over the skies of manchester...bringing the bluest of blue sky space...the lighting up of paving stones, arms exposed, wheels glinting, warming skin as one moves to the city beat...maybe the sun knows that its a special energetic day today..the summer solstice...the highest 'yang' point of the year...the longest day...maybe it came out in tribute, basking in its own glow :-)

whilst reading about this shift of the cycles of the earth, i am struck by the fact that today and from this week onwards, we are at the turning point towards 'death'....yikes...did i just write that??!! well..yes...as the sun stands still (the meaning of solstice) it, if you like, now turns around to make its journey inwards, slowly of course (thank god), but inevitably...

the quote that stands at the top of this post i have had stored in my phone for a while now...one of those pieces of word jigsaws that makes a mark, that resonates somewhere well below chin level (if i recall correctly, this '100 months' book is a graphic novel...hmmmm..i love graphic novels!)..i like its almost untamed, wild and animal like tease of how to live life...indeed i have been reflecting lately on whether we really choose to live 100%...do you give 100% of yourself, to your family, your time with friends, in your lovemaking, to the service we call work, to walking the sun shined streets of your home place?..do you allow yourself to receive 100% of what life offers to you, letting it seep into the very fibers and pores of your cells, blood, memory, to become integrated in deepest wisdom, foolish adventuring and knowing experience?...my guess is that, like myself i quite frankly must add, you do not

to practice turning up in all of who we are and how we are into the play called life everyday is the practice of inviting ourselves more fully into being 'alive'...to each moment..to every emotion...every thought...pleasant or otherwise...all of our tools n techniques gleaned from perhaps a multitude of life long learned discilplines gear us towards this simple premise...be awake..be alive..listen..feel....and soften to fold our kindness and curiousity around all that arises....its our responsibility, 100% to choose either to react (usually through fear), or respond (through love and faith), to the patterns and often chaos that is part of being in the ocean of life


it does feel as though the times we live in are creating a mass of possible change and with that, a sense of chaos...can we dance with the chaos? surrender into its frenzied whirl just enough to ride the waves? in doing so we have a real chance of (cheesy cliche alert!!), swimming in the sea of life ;-)


i am exploring all of this in the ongoing quest towards a life lived more fully...sure, i recognise how often i can disappear 'under water' for a while, bobbing in the mass, waiting to pop up somewhere new, blindly hoping for perhaps jonahs whale to pass by, carry me, and force me out on a pale of exhaled breath and a gallon of water, onto shores new!....hmmmm, perhaps not taking responsibility here me thinks!...not to mention i will not have been paying attention to the journey (shit another new age cliche) or the view!!...


the solstice reminds me, and oh god, how that reminder is always a welcomed balm, to stand still...to stop...to drop into being....to feel it all in its imperfectly perfect play of pleasure pain and the passing moments of time...i am learning, slowly, often with a bucketload of resistance, to embrace it all, knowing as i give in and do so, i can, effortlessly surf the seemingly impossible wave (well, i might as well make it a hat trick!)...

water teaches us flow, yet fire is the element associated with this summer solstice, and the task of 'going through the fire', standing in its heat, offering all that we wish to burn up, is the key here...open your heart...soften your belly...and invite into the party all the absent parts we have chosen to leave tucked away, locked up and hidden, that which hurts or pinches the tissues of our memories, all the points and parts that gnaw away at the wonder of our wondrousness, poisoning ourselves against, well, our self...as we drop and pour this obscure and oppressing tangle, the fire in its alchemy blows all to ashes, relieving us, lightening us, allowing the gradual sigh of release into the quiet whispers of the next moment....here we are...here we are...

so as we approach the knowing of certain death, one day, some day, we may be sure, with a heart centred certainty, that we gave as much as we could, to the 100% of our uniquely grit n gift filled life!

as stephen levine, meditation and buddhist teacher advises, 'complete your birth before you die' 

solstice blessings lovely beings

xxx

 

ways to open the heart number 718!!!!

you know those phrases, those 'cliches' which however much they make you grit ya teeth with a lil rise of irritation, somehow, somewhere within hold the pulse of truth?? well, i have been rolling the following round n round in my mind for the last few weeks now....'if at first you dont succeed, try and try and try again'...along with these words, there are countless phrases that i have read over the years pertaining to the fact that, well, if we make a mistake, or fail, or 'it' goes wrong, then simply acknowledge this, the feeling of disappointment, the hurt, the 'aaawww!!", and when ready, start over once more!

allowing ourselves to fuck up n get it wrong is the path of the, as my teacher would call it, 'recovering perfectionist', the letting go of the reins of control, and loosening up the 'how to's' somehow....its the path of humanness, and the path of taking risks over n over again to walk amongst the living..important for us human beings, less so for the zombie-kind!! ;-)

i have been allowing myself to tip toe tenderly deeper into the pool of the unknown recently, and in doing so, have been facing the slightly 'ouch' creature called disappointment....when i sit with her, i notice her hues and harmonies..slightly off key, she speaks of the torn within me, the ache of the hollow...she sits in the centre of my chest and tears a lil hole in the wholeness of my heart...i want to avoid her, and for many years i did just that very thing...but, in my quest to open more to life, and the softening to let life in to touch me, i am meeting her more fully, possibly for the first time...

i long to know her, what makes her tick, what makes her ticked off, and what can tickle her to shift n shake her tail feather into something richer...i know by avoiding 'meeting' her, i avoid, and turn away from an essential part of the very nature of human life...to risk is to take the chance that we may get disappointed. full stop. and quite frankly, unless we walk around in a cloudy shroud of delusion, the chances are we will meet her somewhere, sometime...in the dance of relationship, in the corridors of our ambitions and desires, in the throes of family n friendships, and in the day to day unravelling of the ordinary.

i am reminded of how thomas edison, inventor of the light bulb, only had the patent for that particular invention approved after something like 70 or 80 odd other ideas had been rejected!! or that abraham lincoln suffered many a defeat both politically and professionally before becoming president. n if i recall correctly, a certain young jack nicholson was told he couldnt act so give it up!!! i am sure there are countless tales in a similar vein..and yet one thing stands out...they all carried on despite, or maybe even because of those defeats and dis-beliefs, and proved that by continuing to take the risk, to have faith in their dream, anything was possible!

so..taking solace from these stories of fellow human kind, i choose to honour the meeting of disappointment, to welcome her and her gifts, and as i keep softening into all that life offers, remember the words of this beautiful Rumi poem:

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.