risk

risk

'' and then the day came,
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to blossom''

anais nin

retreats

time for creating the new...time to stop and rest in one's bones and breath...time to listen to the pulse of one's heart...time to move to stretch to delight in shapes known and unknown...time to play...time to relax...time to restore renew revive refresh...time for oneself...time to reconnect with the wisdom within...time for spaciousness and stillness to work its magic...time to delight in making art as our birthright as our inherent gift

why not join with me on this journey?

wildness

(click on the title 'wildness' to hear the beautiful mexican artist lila downs sing 'burn it blue')

the invitation
oriah mountain dreamer

''it doesnt interest me what you do for a living.
i want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

it doesnt interest me how old you are.
i want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

it doesnt interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
i want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life's betrayals or
have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

i want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

i want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be
careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

it doesnt interest me if the story you're telling me is true.
i want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself;
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

i want to know if you can be faithless
and therefore be trustworthy.

i want to know if you can see beauty
even when its not pretty, every day,
and if you can source your own life from its presence.

i want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
and still stand on the edge of a lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon, ''yes''!

it doesnt interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
i want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and
despair, weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done for the children.

it doesnt interest me who you are, how you came to be here.
i want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

it doesnt interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
i want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

i want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.''

precious moments

just returned from watching 'never let me go'...incredibly moving and touching film...makes me reflect on the impermanence and the fleetingness (is that a word?!) of life...how do we spend each moment? are we so caught up in tomorrows dream that todays ordinariness is overlooked? is it possible we are missing our life as it unfolds with each breath, each movement, each little task, each passing stranger, each taken for granted exchange with our loved ones?

when will our time come to pass over to who knows truly whats next? we cant know for sure and yet what we can do is open our eyes wider, stop for a moment...i often find myself looking up whilst tackling the crowds of the city, noticing the clouds shifting shapes, the stillness of the sky, the beauty of the architecture above me, and the feel of my feet on the ground...this is life happening right now...i admit that i am also often drawn to an imaginary future, enticing in its fantasy..whilst losing myself in this anticipatory pleasure is a fine way to oil the imagination i know that to deny the reality that i stand in right now is to deny life itself..what a shame that is, for me and for those that i gently brush past in those moments

i aim to live wildly.. i aim to live widely...i aim to feel, touch, experience all of life, no matter how dull, ordinary, boring, practical (especially taxing for this lady whom the world of fanciful magical realism feels like how life should feel!) and everyday...right now i have a glass of fine red wine left over from a joyous eve spent in the company of a great friend...jose feliciano is on the stereo...my breath eases in and out in a dance riding the waves of the music and the carefreeness of a sat eve...as i open to this moment more and more my heart lifts, a smile gathers on my face and all is well just in this moment right now...wherever you are 'ola' to you and may your 'now' be precious and just as its meant to be!

trapeze

trust

hmmm...its nearly 3 am (am sure theres a leonard cohen song that refers to that time of day!) and my lil fingers itch to tap away and see what words take shape under the influence of tired wearyness and quiet reflection

i am feeling a sense of potential possibility hovering in the air around and above me...almost i am able to reach up onto my tiptoes and pull it close towards me..yet alas it is slightly out of reach tho my fingers touch its edges teasingly...i have been thinking of wildness...juicy wildness... and how one can open up to drink in its influence upon our lives...wildness...

a soul stretching towards and dancing at its edges, surfing the place of known and unknown..diving and dancing between the two..willingly..delightfully.. invitingly...

a life of passion oozing from each pore..its scent intoxicating us and the folk and the world around us...a heart open wide so wide that nothing is denied, nothing is resisted..with true innocence we throw open the doors and windows of our self and stand naked, the light blinding yet illuminating everything...

i love the phrase 'do what makes your heart sing'..it seems so simple yet for me right now there is a conflict within...you see i have all i need in my life.. i have love, family, friendships, work i love, creativity exploding on my living room floor as i write, freedom, health and support...and yet..and yet...something feels amiss...i kinda sense its shape and hue..i hear its whispers in my ear..but you know what is in the way? fear..yes my friends.. god ole big fat fear!

i want to dive in.. i yearn to shake off the confines of fears companionship and say 'what the hell!'...i ask for courage..i make myself vulnerable and say 'fuck! im scared! please help me!'..i want to keep open no matter what and jump into that unknown and dance at the edge of uncertainty, knowing that as long as i listen inwards i will be ok..as long as i trust...

why is that so hard to do? this is what i ask for this year..to face fear and still say 'yes' to the wildness that calls from someplace deeper within me..to believe.. to breathe... to surrender.. to feel.. to live as fully as i possibly can...

amen!

commitment

'Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.'

Goethe

perfectly imperfect

a new year...a new place for our dreams to rest in... a new thought, idea, vision...a new way of being, accepting, surrendering, opening...a new shift in the earths turning cyclical wheel...a new day...a new moon... a new moment...

have you made any resolutions? resolve, or re-solve the mystery of why you habitually make that mistake, take that road, or choose that response? i believe a more kinder way of looking at this age old, and usually fruitless phenomenon, is to change the word 'resolution' into 'intention'.

ah! that feels better already doesnt it? what is your intention? can you check into your body, your heart and your bellys gut intuition? this is where we ought to look and listen if we really want to know what our intention is...

and so i did, this eve, after a meditation and asking for guidance from my higher self, the greater wisdom that holds me, it came to me...'i can, i will, i am'...

can, will, am

feels so so strong, affirmative, focused, directed, and positive for me...as a gal who oozes ideas for creative projects from my pores richly on a daily basis (yes, yes, i know how blessed that is!), unfortunately often those luscious gems of creative threads dont find there way out of the ball they attach to in my mind and time moves on, new ideas crop up, excitement rises, and once again, those threads are loosened from my fingers...i seem to have had this inability to take action, to put in the energy and effort, as well as the plentiful time i have available,on my creative life...and no, i am compassionate enough to know that i do create sometimes, and i teach which in itself is incredibly creative, yet i desire to create daily, to reach out and plug into that source so that it washes over and thro me in a constant and effortless flow...filling me, inspiring me, transforming me...

instead sloth kicks its heels into my back, neighing loudly and pushing me to stay in bed, to watch that tv programme, to potter, to waste time on activities that quite frankly often do not fill me from the inside...and so...

i can, i will, i am...

*put energy, effort and time into my creative life

*focus on filling me from the inside with juicy play, pleasure, practice, silence, nature time, friendships that nourish, good foods, adequate sleep (eek says the night owl), and mostly oodles of self love and care

*accept the now, where i am, and keep making those lil steps towards my dreams

*keep coming home to myself , thro my body, my breath, and my senses

*open deeper and deeper to trust, faith, grace and patience

*believe in myself as the gorgeous, delightful being that i am

*practice gratitude for all the abundance i have

*be braver and take risks especially when i dont know what the outcome will be

*love love love

*be perfectly imperfect

what is your new year intention?