Friday, 28 December 2012

40daysbefore40 day 4: a (wo)mans best friend xx

i fell in love with him today ;-)

i am pretty certain that he would continue to sing his heart out for me for eternity or until his batteries run out, whichever came first!
no dragging his whine of lowered nose to the ground in a 'i got the doggy blues' kinda way!

you see he's the kind of creature (and yes as i write these words please dont worry that i am under any sort of illusion that this guy is never know..look what happened to the velveteen rabbit?!) that totally and utterly gives for the pure pleasure of giving...he croons his canine tune because it makes him happy...he offers himself in the spirit of love :-)

now i do understand that the unwavering devotion these sweet creatures bestow upon their human family awards its own blessings...there is something very kind in the make up of these animals, and a proffering of love simply for the sake of it is an astounding quality to experience


according to websters dictionary, kindness means:
The quality of being warm-hearted and considerate and humane and sympathetic

kindness is an attribute that is all about one's is a trait that can only arise from the heart...and an open one at that
 trying to be kind is a pseudo walk that insults rather than compliments ones own truth...kind folk have a certain twinkle in their eye, and a benevolent presence that affords one a feeling of wellbeing

i am often struck by the kindness of humans..its one of those things (and there are oh so many i admit!) that brings a tear to my eye, that touches my own heart...acts of genuine generosity reminds us that we are all connected, that we are all coated with the same brush, that of the human spirit...kindness is a way to reach out and say 'you are cared for', 'you are not alone', 'you are important to this mandala we call the world' xx

and yet how easy is it to be kind? offer from ones heart?

i slipped up today...last afternoon with my family and i fell into an old hole...a familiar arose within me and rocked my was only when i arrived home and found my meditation cushion that all was see, and here i must take a deep breath and dive share with you my human ness and foibles and the places where i fuck up and all that i label as 'yeurghh!!' is part of this 40 day practice..a kind of clearing by confession, an emptying by echoing what has resounded within...and so...

you see i was seeking the midst of familial chaos i felt as if i wasnt seen (eek!!)...this is by no means a novel insight for siree!!...what happens, and with hindsight i can see oh so clearly where i fell in so to speak, is that i become hard, tight in my body and jaw, a lil sulky (eek again!!), and completely lose any nuance of my beautiful and oh yes, very deeply loved, centre! you know what i really needed that attention for dear ones? i needed it to feel loved (ok this is a triple eek alert!)

oh boy!

i have been here before..i have seen the pain of this pattern, both for my self and for my loved ones..i am not proud of this behaviour (especially for a 39yr old adult woman)...and as i saw this become clear in my practice this eve, i began to soften...what allowed this softening? it was by the bubbling arising of the word 'kindness' from some deep loving and kind place within me...'kindness' touched me and i i let it begin to wash over me...its human...and as i stayed with receiving this gentle spirit at my heart i felt the letting go of this 'need'...i let this expectation and false need for attention be felt and i let it go, dissolving into my heart space...i offered kindness to my family for being exactly who they are..i am very blessed and very lucky and i am deeply grateful

the following i offer in devotion to my family 

i love you

'i am grateful for my brother's stories, told in a way that hooks you in eager to hear more and never left unsatiated...a natural storyteller..what a gift xx

i am grateful for my sister in laws gentle beauty..her wise words...and kind heart xx

i am grateful for my sister's friendship...bound by blood yet chosen to walk together in support and love...your courage and adventurous spirit inspires me...your playfulness astounds me xx

i am grateful for my father;s name...his deeply caring nature and unique spirit xx

i am grateful for my mamma's love...her generous child heart xx

i am thankful for my blood line my blood ties my karmic woven ancestor tapestry...for the knots and weft and weave...for the untidy parts that no one sees that lie beneath the showy surface...for the loose ends and frayed edges...for the patterns and colours and for its strength'

may i dare to be the world..and to the next lil doggy (alive or wind up ;-)  ) that meets me on my path

amen xxx



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