40daysbefore40 day5: time after time

time
 (press here for a musical accompaniment to your reading)

a funny olde character

a linear projector flash style into the one way future 

travelling down from manchester via london to brighton, watching the blur of the landscape pass me by...i used to love watching that blur outta car windows when i was younger...how the known melts into an impressionists (or should that be expressionists!) palette right in front of our eyes

the present becomes a bridge, an untangible shifting bridge, between the past and the future

i was reflecting on this today..i mean after all what are long train journeys all about? stuck in a shuttle that whizzes you to destination new without having to place your dainty feet on the earth...choose your options: doze, listen to music, watch a movie on a miniscule screen, eat marks and spencers food, drink bad train coffee, entertain small children by walking up and down the aisles many many times,do your homework, write spreadsheets...maybe all of the above! ;-)

so..my preferred activity of choice was observation...i dont know about you but have you ever found yourself watching someone in deep fascination at their whole demeanour before realizing that they are looking at you uncomfortably as you seem to be projecting an air of 'wierdo stalker' onto them? time to lower the eyes possibly?? 

so watching the various forms of life my attention drawn then to the flashing fazey haze of colour of the nature scape as we hurtle into the future...ah yes..time

i began to reflect upon the necessity to mark times passage...via birthdays, anniversarys, sentences, season changes and the big one that is difficult to avoid, the end of the year and the beginning of the new...to mark any occasion is a ritual and i am big on ritual...so the end of 2012 looms

firstly hurrah the world didnt end..as someone pointed out that means we have all been given another chance...yippee!!

secondly, what does it mean to say goodbye to the year just passed? this time last year i celebrated at my teacher's on retreat in spain..one of the rituals we offered up was in taking vows to marry ourselves to our new lover '2012'...such a beautiful right of passage and a commitment to ourself in being clear as to what our side of the bargain is about!

as we approach the last few days of 2012 and as i approach the last few weeks of my 30's, i am struck by the importance of our relationship to time gone by...our past holds so much experience..events...moments of joy and delight...moments of heart break and devastation...what do we do with these moments gone by? 

i feel that is is imperative for us to move on with empty hands and an empty bowl (please sir can i have some more?) in order to be filled with the new year...and yet the only way to achieve this is by honouring what has gone before..to look squarely at the year gone by and say adios to all that has gone into the soupy stew so far

what is it you wish to say goodbye to? what are you glad to let go of? what do you need to mourn the loss of? what are you stilll carrying into the new year to follow?

there is time

let the next few days sink these questions into your sleeping cells...ask and listen..find a way to mark and celebrate all that has passed thro and with you on your path so far...

so...for the year gone by...as i start a tentative tender farewell to you..here is what i offer to be acknowledged so far:

awakened energy and fighting for my very life; spanish birthday evening, friends, cocktails, laughter, love and frolicking fun; the decision to put down the search for 'man' and concentrate on me, the relief and flood of energy, the realisation its bloody hard work putting effort and energy into this quest, and the commitment to this practice for me; spain, wild women, holy artists; deep connection to my belly, my centre and to receiving life; my shyness and my mischievous minx; transition tunnel; rodrigo y gabriela and patti smith; weekends of friends near and far; bank holiday frolics; saying goodbye to a past lover; glasgow edinburgh friends old and new; feeling stuck; my own medicine; successful retreats; veils lifting; moments of clarity and receptivity; allowing grief, hurt and disappointment to help me shed; brighton and friends; the realization its all my life, my choices, my responsibility...

so my lovelies..please feel free to share any of your year so far in the comments below..i would love to hear and witness the honoring of your years journey so far :-)

much much love

until tomorrow

xxx