40 days before 40 day 1...dare you journey with me?

 ''40daysbefore40''

a project by

moi

heidi chadwick

 ok yeah...i know its not perfectly executed in a kinda stylish luc besson way; neither does it have the thrilling tension of a hitchcock tail; nor the edgy black one sided grin of a tarantino flick...but its my first lil movie..and its done...and jesus christ!! (yes you again!!) you have no idea how many hours HOURS i have been trying to put this together, film it, download, compress..etc...wheres this gals brandy pronto senor! ;-)

(a lil recap of the video above :-)  )

evenin' all...and a happy birthday shout out to that renegade anarchic doing it his way jesus...

  its not long to mine now...

40 days to be exact :-)...so may i present to you kind and curious viewer...

drum roll please!!!

a project that this procrastinating perfectionist has said 'yeehah' to and knowingly, committedly stepped her dancing feet into xx

you see, i have been dreaming recently (well we are in the dreamtime winter slumber where our bear cave dwelling ancestors would gather and share stories, take long naps and huddle by the fire :-) )...i long to step out into life more deeply, to risk and dare to offer my sweet heart and luminous soul...

to share my self, to dare to say yes despite fear raging and pulling me into hiding, to take a risk to look stupid or, god forbid, get it wrong...i yearn to walk into the unknown, to dance over the lines, and jumo into the dark '?' of the unknown...its been coming along time folk, and with the looming gateway into a new decade its time to gently wake up and knock knock knock on the spider webbed window of the cocoon!

but wait a moment...this is a practice, a prayer and i want to feel each and every moment..to be alive and awake and responsive and recieve..otherwise whats the point!?...so...its gonna be a journey of lil steps...exploring risk and courage, trust and faith, fear and disappointment...ooh incidentally i very nearly had no film to offer you this eve..i felt the disappointment, i voiced it, and you know what? i was about to give up when lo and behold the universe kissed my brow and....well...here we are :-)

so..heres the key...

each day i will commit to offering a post, whether in film, photo, art, words, musings or by any other such means (carrier pidgeon? telepathy??)

i might not make it..the 40 days thing..but i will try my hardest!

it might be boring or twee..what feels like a daring step to take might fall short of your standards..sorry, but im doing it my way...in my own time..dancing to the beat of my own rhythm xx

yet i want you to be a part of this adventure to..any comments, or sharings please divulge...any suggestions then gladly..erm..suggest away!..any love, it would be a pleasure to receive xx

so..i will leave you with this today (by the way this first post is meant to be on christmas day!)..hey..i wont tell if you wont! xxx

so...day 1 of the '40 days before 40' project..and my first dare is to begin..

i have BEGUN

xx

the hardest step they say :-)

til manana dear ones

in gratitude for all your support

xxx

 

the heart and art of being a human being xxx

''it's all a sukha dukha rollercoaster!!''

i love that phrase, courtesy of one of my darling yogini friends, it basically means, a ride of both the uplifting sweetly delightful (sukha) up moments as well as the unpleasant suffering (dukha) down moments too!...

this last weekend, as the seasons shift of the cyclical year marked the autumn equinox, i attended a weekend long dance workshop lead by the softly souled andrew holmes, which was all about the landscape of the heart...we were exploring this realm of feelings, namely, fear, anger, sadness, joy and compassion...you know, just the usual human range of emotions :-)

the rollercoaster analogy served me well as the dance opened the doorways to delve deep into the hues and timbre of each of these feelings and their corresponding presence in the texture of my body...so much was learned, felt, uncovered and discovered and like the proverbial accordion, time will open out and reveal further insights

however i was struck by something that permeated through the weekends diving...the echo of which whispers its way through the weave of all my beloved practices, whether yoga, meditation, art making, writing or dance...and it's this: 

that everything we experience, all that we feel, is simply a colour and pattern of energy that momentarily wishes to move through us...if we allow it to, it shifts and changes into something else; if we resist it or deny it, or get soo fixated upon it, then it gets stuck, cant move for love nor toffee, its presence overstaying its welcome and creating a possible distortion of the pathways within us...a bit like a traffic jam (is it just me that is fascinated by how traffic jams begin?? is it really the fault of one slow rolling vehicle that a few miles trailing creates a startling out of proportional backlog of barely moving traffic???!! does anyone actually even care???!!!!)...anyways i digress!

so...the point seems to be, whatever we feel, requires us to meet it with a sense of curiousity, acknowledgement and kindness...if we soften into it, breathe into its offerings, treating it like a welcome guest, then we allow it to almost use our body as a stage...a space for it to express itself, perhaps wordlessly, with its own innate choreographer, showing us the greatest performance of soul with us as front seat ticket holders!! in giving what we feel space, and allowing this space to grow from the core of the feeling, out to our fingers and toes, and ultimately beyond our very physicality into the world around us, we become a host, a body almost possessed by the pure spirit of the particular energy...it is through the expression of this energy, that nothing can get stuck, or outstay its welcome!

this is what always amazes me post yoga practice..when once more connected and engaged i feel the vitality of my being right at the edges of my self...its when i feel that those edges have expanded even further, that i am not simply this blessed physical corpus, but that my essence expands further and beyond the realms of my edges...holding onto feelings, through shame, guilt, self consciousness or other tricky demons of doubt, denies our very humanness, and in a way stops us from offering ourselves, all of ourselves, to life!

i was struck at the weekend, when having the gracious priviledge of witnessing others dance and express each of these emotions, how we all show these human feelings of the heart in such different ways, and how mesmerizingly beautiful and touching that was to see...so my lovelies...dont hide away how you feel, dont stop showing others your hearts silent murmurs and cave deep screams...as you offer yourself, you become art, a vessel of spirit, and in that raw vulnerable place of saying 'this is me', we get to wow in wonder at the beauty of your soul

xxx