bone tinglingly juicy!

baba yaga calls my name
(mixed media shadow box)

well howdy lovely human (and huwoman) beings...tuesdays new moon has reminded us to continue to be with the hush of winter...if, like me, you have found yourself a seesawing between the 'right then, lets get on with this busy-ness of life, rubbing my hands with glee' and the 'oh my, cant i just stay snuggled up in my cave just a lil bit longer..pleeaase!??' then you are not alone

there's something about january that, post all the new year and seasonal festive delights, feels soberingly 'normal', a kinda resigned sighing of 'back to real life'!..and yet, be gentle with those strides out into the big wide world, as we are still hanging out in the time of winter

ah yes...breathe out a breath of relief...its ok to take time to peer into the bright lights of the big city again...to be in the hustle n bustle of lifes rolling, and then to scamper back into the comfort of the duvet..to begin in dreaming and wondering how to take steps, and then put down the action plan and let the imagination roam for an hour or two hazily and daisily!

the dreamtime of the year is extremely important for all levels of our being..reclaiming the rest our body's need...landing the emotional body after the heightened roller coaster of the end of year partying and family whirl...reflecting on our wishes and intentions for the year ahead...having the space and time to listen, to really listen in to the whispers and calling that lies deep in our bones

ahh! our bones! our skeletal framework that hangs our body in place and gives form for our dance in the world...in mind-body energetics our bones are the oldest part of our physical being, holding our deepest memories, stories of our past, and the impressions carried through the ancestor line...they also remind us of the deepest 'knowing' we hold in our body...its no coincidence that we use the expression 'i feel it in my bones'!

i have become a lil curious (translate as 'obsessive') about bones recently, resulting in a cornucopia of creative ideas to get my teeth and blood into
(ok, maybe i am also feeling inspired about all the elemental parts of the body, those 'earthy' aspects of our physicality!)...how exciting!...and the first port of call? to the goddesses of old...older than crone...bone goddesses carry the thread of winters shifts and magic...reminding us of the continual death and rebirth cycles of life....like kali or hecate..terrifying visions, these creatures are wild...wild because they offer the knowledge of transformation, shedding, surrendering and the initiation from one way of living to another...all the quests that heroes undertake and which we, as a whole, are curiously intrigued by, include a perilous mission often facing 'death' in some manner

and so this week i have been getting to know the old bone goddess of russian and eastern europe folklore, baba yaga..no, this is no reference to that tasty aubergine dish familiar to middle eastern cuisine!...baba yaga is known as a formidable and quite frightful force, flying around in her cauldron shaped like a mortar and pestle...she lives in a hut created from the bones of human beans, that dances on crazy chicken legs!...she takes no prisoners and through her seemingly impossible tasks, reunites us once again to the 'knowing' we all hold within...our ancient bone wisdom...that lights our light and shines our fire so goddamn brightly and fiercely that all that denies our spirits path is burned away to ashes!..hallelulah!!

so my lovelies..listen to your bones..check in with them regularly...feel their yearnings..and honour their direction...our bones carry the juice to light up and fuel our intentions for the year ahead...prepare the way to take your warrior(ess) steps out into the beauty of this crazy wild world!!....and be patient, oh yes, patient, as we continue to honour the wisdom of the dark time of the year!..maybe if we are lucky (or blessed), the glow of our bones will lead us majestically out into the light of the world very soon xxx

down the rabbit hole

firebird woman

midsummer nearly rises to its peak once again (tho astonishingly someone forgot to tell the weather control person!!) and with the earths fire crackling and dancing i find myself echoing this deep rooted desire to burn baby burn!

now i dont mean necessarily on the disco dancefloor, tho i do have the best new shoes for the job ;-)...its just this lil itch that has been rising up my spine for ever such a while now... its an itch aflame that no doctors potion could douse.. and why the hell would i wanna put it out anyhow?!

last week i arrived back from retreat time in beautiful andalucia with my beloved teacher and dear journeying sisters still vibrating their wisdom, joy and support deep in my bones and heart...words cannot do justice to the medicine my soul receives from this work..it simply lays itself out in deepest gratitude and humility to the wonder of it all...and yet, once returning to the delights of manchester city centre (did i really say 'delights'??!) i have been feeling the integration process such a struggle...

its like i have just taken a trip down the rabbit hole as our friend alice once did, or ventured deep into the back of the wardrobe to find a new land a la narnia..the kind of doorways that once opened are hard to really dismiss and simply return to seeing the world in quite the same way once more...perception has shifted..new vision has been granted.. and magic has begun to seep its potion into our soul...

and this landing can be bumpy, tricky and confusing...'who am i?',' where am i?',' what happens now?' and, my kinda mantra this week: 'what the fuck??!!!'

to codify the words that have been playing like some existential play to an audience of one not so highly amused lil chica would probably need for me to be writing til dawn and probably losing, not just the few readers who have taken an interest in my blog (thanking you kindly ;-)), but also my mind as well.. and as i am starting to reign in the reins of chaos that have been allowed to run amok for the last week, i will not endeavour to reopen that particular chain of thought...but i will note tho, that i realise more and more how surrender and trust, with a sprinkling of patience, and a healthy dose of 'beshet' (a wonderful yiddish word i cant stop using right now...kinda translates as 'this is just how it is!'..tho has to be accompanied with a kinda jewish shrug and hand gesture that must be a gift to us of jewish blood!!) is all i need right now as i settle back into my life...i am opening in some ways to the unknown.. and the crazy thing is...i think this unknown, tho filling this lil control freak with something really to freak about, is the sweetness of a soul filled authentic life!

the image i have posted above is the result of my practice a few days ago..feeling like some kinda deranged gal, offering up myself as a prayer to that which is bigger than me, i danced and softened and opened and felt myself like a newly hatched baby bird.. all wings aflapping..yet with a firey edge.. a bit like a phoenix one might suggest.. and yet a firey phoenix energised winged creature not yet trusting letting go into flight...nearly, and yet not yet...and as i created like a dervish for the next few hours my firebird woman, i ponder the question...as i stand at this edge...'how the hell do i let go into flight??'...

to be continued...

magic and nourishment in yorkshire!

our fire altar

beautiful stream that flows in the garden

we practice yoga here when the weather is kind!

nourishment for our bellies :-)

there is a special space out in the midst of the yorkshire countryside...twice a year i gather there together with a sprinkling of beautiful women for a weekend of soul nurturance, wisdom seeking, body movement, and heart sharing, with laughter, tears, friendship and trust supporting the alchemy of our time together...the practices we unfold for each of our journey's being yoga, dance, meditation, art-making, journaling, tantric dyads and ritual

this summer we come together shortly after the summer solstice..the weekend of fri 8th july to sun 10th july...the theme of our time together is 'tending the fire within'...our inner fire is connected energetically to our solar plexus and the whole belly area.. when we hold our bellies, either in fear, tension, incorrect posture, tight clothing, or, most commonly, not letting the breath reach deep down into our centre, we limit and dampen our own internal fire

so what does this fire do? well on one hand this is the transforming power that helps our digestive system to change the foods we consume into fuel for energy...yet it is so much more...our fire is our inner power...that which 'fuels' our ability to live with the correct drive to put into action the steps needed to make our dreams manifest into real life...it is the connection to the source which feeds us.. think about it... in the womb we were fed through our navel by the 'great mother' who gave us life...just because we are no longer physically attached to our own mothers, doesnt mean that we dont receive nourishment and feeding from the 'GREAT mother' that sustains and supports us...blockages to our centre literally and energetically blocks this sustenance!

we will explore this theme deeper over the weekend and ease gently back into connection and freedom of our bellys power and wisdom

no experience necessary.. all welcome.. please contact me if you would like to know more

blessings and sparks of beauty and grace xxx

beltane magic

fireworks...mixed media

the rolling stones song 'play with fire' on my stereo as i write these words...the sun blazing its powerful rays down upon us...welcome to summer!

beltane's magic over the last few days saw me and my darling sister take to the park and finding a secluded place near the lake and honouring the presence of all the elements supporting us, we held a little ritual to this potent time of the year...asking for the sun to energise and relight our heart intentions for ourselves, our family and friends and for the earth.

traditionally, beltane rituals have included jumping over the fire holding our prayers as an offering into the fire, to be transformed into winged manifestations...in fact, any time we feed our intentions and wishes, we strengthen their power to take form, but this is particularly strong right now.

this got me thinking about our inner fire, that which fuels us out into the world, and fuels our spirit to express itself in its highest possible potential...yogis call this inner fire 'tapas', a burning zeal and determination, focus, heat, radiance and devotion to a wave of energy bigger than ones fears, doubts and confusion...mentioned as far back as the vedas, and through texts such as the yoga sutras, and hatha yoga pradipika, tapas is seen as an imperative part of the yogic path...

taken to an extreme tapas can be an austerity, a way to travel far beyond the limits of the ego mind, given example in the way a sadhu might keep his arm raised to the sky for a number of years! this is meant to ignite the rich alchemy in which the body becomes the cauldron for cultivating siddhis, or extraordinary powers...

we do not have to go this far, remember the middle path of balance is often a preferable and kinder way of living (well i certainly think so anyways!)...tapas might be the focus and discilpine needed to continue patiently learning to play the guitar...for me, this is the part that, even when feeling slothful (eek!), makes me find my mat, start my practice, find a canvas, dip my brush and create a mark..in fact it is like the striking of a match...the first spark that has the potential to become a flaming roaring fire!

patanjali mentions tapas as one of the niyamas, the 5 practices for devotion to oneself, as part of the 8 limbs of yoga...it is also part of the trio of practices which makes up kriya yoga: tapas, svadyaya (self study), and isvara pranidhara (surrendering to the divine)...in fact these are so important as we need to understand why we want to commit in discipline to whatever we are choosing..do we have the right reasons? is it for our ultimate highest good? or are there other less helpful reasons i.e. needing to prove oneself, or because 'i should' do this...check with your heart, that will help!..also to be able to surrender the fruits of our practice, not getting caught up in the results, though bloody difficult, makes the path flow easier and reminds us of the divine that we are in essence expressing through our determination

so, for me, reflecting on what i will use the gifts of tapas for, reminds me of my commitment to any practice that connects me to the divine: yoga, meditation, painting, writing, dancing...all of these make me feel alive and brings me closer to living in joy..even when i struggle, i will use the spark of tapas to refuel my fire..that which shines within!

yorkshire summer retreat