curves and mandalas

angel mandala and lotus mandala

i used to be obsessed with making mandalas...i spent a few years creating paintings of them, some of them , as above, recognisable images, whilst some of my mandalas were intense studies in the geometric patterning of the universe (i will show you some on here at some point)

mandalas are circular forms, arising from noticing that everything in nature is from a circle or spiral, from the tiniest cell to the luminous fireball in the sky!...there are no straight lines in nature...one of my favourite artists, hundertwasser, stood by this fact when he created his beautiful paintings, and he even designed buildings which were all curves, some even having gardens on their rooftops...highly ahead of his time he was a true visionary!

when i practice yoga, when i teach, or move in dance, this seems to me to be what we are trying to release our bodies from...the impact of all that rigid lineness (is that a word??!) from city living, desk sitting, routine, clock watching n obeying the linear laws of manmade time itself

the cycles of the year, the shift from day to night, the flow of my monthly bleeding, the in and out of the breath...all of these reminds us of the circular nature of life...can we find our way back to this pleasure, to unwinding back into the smooth curves and soft flowing of the earths shapes..i wish this for you this sunday xx

offering

well lovely ones...a rare daytime post for this lil night owl...with an offering to you with regards my upcoming france 'alchemy of the arts: tending the fire within' retreat...mon 9th may- sat 14th may...at les passeroses, charente, south west france (see flier below and also retreat page for more info)

toying with how to word the words that roll around my mind today...i think wording the words from a place of authenticity and from a human heart is the only appropriate way...you see, about 4 years ago i decided to take a risk...after teaching yoga and creative expression workshops since 2004 i took a deep breath, said a few thank yous, and embarked upon my first retreat at the beautiful 'stod fold barn',near halifax, yorkshire (http://www.stodfold.co.uk)

what a surprise and what a delight! these weekends offered themselves to be more than an opportunity to share the healing and life enhancing practices of yoga, dance and art-making..they became truly magical events, with wondrous heart opening, laughter, tears, friendship and a sense of returning to an older more ancient time when we would gather around fires and share our stories as nourishment for each other and all the beautiful beings in the world

so i decided to venture further afield..france to be exact!...having found a gorgeous retreat setting, with wonderful hosts all seemed set on a new adventure!...yet the reality is it might not happen...as of today there are not enough bookings to run the event...i have learnt so much from stepping in and commiting to this (which i have to admit took its time) and i am incredibly grateful for what i have learned

yet all might not be a closed book just yet...as one final action outwards to the world to manifest this dream, i am offering the 5 day retreat at a reduced price...as of now the prices start from 445pounds (this includes all meals, accomodation, yoga sessions and art materials..does not include transport eg flights or train)

so...if you have been drawn to what is offered on an alchemy event or if you might be interested then get in contact

all will be as its meant to be xx

springtime cleaning

spring cleaning

i have started to sell prints of my artwork on etsy.com (see side bar for a direct link)...i have not uploaded this image yet but thought i would preview its impending debut here on these pages! its not a new painting, probably about 3 or 4 years old, but it is one of my favourites. painted with acrylics, 4' x 5', the idea came about from my once constant doodling in my beloved art journal.

the woman lies with her cheek pressed against the earth, surrendering to its support, breathing with the pulse of the ground. she weeps, for what we do not know, perhaps for the burden of a life we do not comprehend, perhaps for a great loss, perhaps in sweet defeat offering her tears to the soil. she does just this, and her tears water and irrigate the thirsty earth, travelling deeper and deeper. way below the surface they gather in a pool, her tears transformed into lil skulls, their death signifying the essential transformation and the reminder that that which is shed feeds and provides nourishment for something new to arise. and so it is here, as the flowers, watered and quenched from her offerings, begin to bloom once more.

poetry of presence

treewoman

spirals spiral their swirling dance within my bones, my blood, my flesh...fed and fueled by my breath...how far i go depends on the deepening of my breathing in..how far i go depends on the release of my breath out

feeling blessed and alive...just been on a weekend with the wonderful ya-acov darling-khan...movement medicine...'the poetry of presence'...(see link)...immersion in the body...coming home to the only place that is real..inside..dancing within and without.. exploring connection, to earth, to sun, to heart, to an-other, to the world

i love this work...work?..blimey can it even be called that??..more like pleasure, a necessity, a life pulse, a reminder of what is real, what its all about.. a reminder that no matter what life brings in its thrills n spills, there truly is 'no place like home'...oh how easy it is to forget, to not give attention to that which supports it all...how is it possible to live life without that conversation with the intelligence that is always with us?...and thats the beauty isnt it?..its always with us.. everything we need is always a mere breath of awareness away!

so what did i remember? well, i remembered my roots, my connection to earth...to me these roots felt strong and firm, yet i also felt that i could loosen up the effort to feel that support a little...i didnt have to try so hard..its there.. i am supported.. i have a strong ground.. and yet i think i never really trusted that so much before.. so i loosened it up a little...invited my hips and pelvis to shake it up and become freer.. and in doing so i rediscovered my playfulness, my mischievous energy... i felt that 'secure attachment' i never felt as a child, the knowing i am safe and held which allows me to 'play out' more... wonderful!

i experienced my body freeing up and the bliss and pleasure of moving right out to my edges.. edges i havent previously really payed much attention to before.. but this time i did pay attention, i breathed right to the tips of my fingers, the tips of my toes.. i felt alive, awake, sensual, fiery and a little tiger like if am honest... the funny thing is i wore this tiger print top, which quite frankly is kinda hideous, and purchased many months ago for the mere sum of a pound!..i was this tiger..roaring inside and undulating with the waves of my life force

and i touched my heart..one of the qualities of my self i have been getting to know over the last year is my shyness..yes folks.. tho i might often pour out my heart here in a somewhat cavalier and humourous manner, deeply within i am a shy gal! part of me that i have denied in shame in the past..i am gently learning to sit with her, to allow her hiding and to place her more deeply in my heart...so i let her be there in the dance, at the same time takin a lil risk every now n then to reach out, to touch another, and to be touched by another.. slowly and cautiously she shows her face in wonder to the world

so much more but i recall i am writing a blog not a book!

be yourself.. love yourself.. you are fuckin beautiful!!

innocence

springtime...

a time of awakenings...possibilities...hope...tenacity...movement...and innocence

the grass at this time of the year seems young and fresh, there is a bravery in the blossoming of the buds showing all of themselves, a vulnerability that is breathless...they cannot know if the next gust of wind will see them fall...or if a storm may rush thro tearing them from their home on the branch...we can learn from their courage.

i love this time of the year as i feel a renewal within me of anything is possible, of being able to start again...it makes me think that i have now a new choice, to continue the same pattern of living, of tending the habitual tendencies that has caused me suffering in the past, or of stepping into the unknown, of taking a deep breath, and of letting myself see the world as if for the first time...of taking a risk, a different dance forwards, an unchartered belief or thought...i can let go of being lead by the past and stand more deeply in this moment and towards a future that is not yet written...to do this i call upon the strength and magic of reclaiming my innocence.

innocence is a return to the childlike state of not knowing...of starting over and dropping what we think we know...we become empty, yet not needy or wanting, simply pure and content just as we are by the presence and presents of each moment... by the time we grow up we are so beset with the worlds 'knowledge', from schooling, parenting, society, books, teachers, dogma, religion etc...we become full of information, laws, right and wrong, the opinion of this is how it is!..but by reclaiming our innocence once more we can start afresh, tapping into the wisdom that is all around us.

innocence is not ignorance. it is not a place of naiviety or playing dumb...it is a state of wonder and curiousity...an openness to it all, without shutting down, holding back or playing it safe 'just in case'...it is not jaded, nor tired...it is not asleep nor blind...it is a totally open place of receptivity, vulnerability, awareness and beauty.

osho talks of innocence in his book 'maturity' saying:
'whenever you understand that you have missed life, the first principle to be brought back is innocence. drop your knowledge, forget your scriptures, forget your religions, your theologies, your philosophies. be born again, become innocent- and it is in your hands. clean your mind of all that is not known by you, of all that is borrowed, all that has come from tradition, convention. all that has been given to you by others- just get rid of it. once again be simple, once again be a child. and this miracle is possible by meditation.'

bleeding

bleeding woman

squatting on the earth she feeds the ground
the juice of her womb pulling away from the warmth of her dark place,
dripping out the old, old yearnings, old wisdom, old cycle of time,
to nourish the gasping soil hungry for this gift.

did you know that in olden times, times when god was goddess and the elder was held in high esteem of a life long lived, womens menstrual blood was used as a fertiliser to nourish the growing crops? it wasnt seen as 'dirty', or an annoyance, or an inconvenience, yet as a profound gift from woman to mama earth.

hmmm..not sure how that would go down at your local allotment!!

this picture of 'bleeding woman' was painted a few years ago with the blessing of my holy blood. always at my moon time i become her, aching with this heaviness to flush out and release as an offering to the earth, in return for a sense of shedding what i may have been carrying this past month.what a graceful and raw exchange!

if anyone may be interested to learn more about the energetic and emotional and magic of your (or your partner's for that matter!) monthly cycle then check out the wonderful wisdom of alexandra pope at www.wildgenie.com

the dance of resistance

why do we practice yoga? or meditation? i have been reflecting on my own commitment to these and other practices that i have in my life. i have been thinking about what it is that i receive from taking the time to offer my intention and time to getting on my mat. why is it that this sometimes becomes a lil dance of struggle? (gulp! am admitting that yes, even this yoga teacher of many years, sometimes finds herself amidst a huge drama of resistance to simply starting). a friend of mine said something yesterday that really hit home i thought, that commiting to our practice (or whatever it might be that feeds our soul), is really about turning up for yourself. how true is that! i mean noone else is gonna be able to give us exactly what we find when we make that connection, experience that journeying inwards, take that breath, and feel the space within us. noone else can do that for us, whilst we put our feet up, and have a cup of tea! we have to turn up in order to begin. thats the first step folks!

now thats really inspiring and incredibly true, yet, why is it that when it becomes time to practice, suddenly the intense desire to get down on my hands and knees and scrub the kitchen floor seems to flood over me?! dont get me wrong, i hardly ever have that kind of enthusiasm for lifes lil domestic tasks usually so i am always appreciative of my efforts, yet why the resistance? why is it difficult to 'turn up for me'? this is actually quite a painful realisation. that i hesitate to 'do this for me'. do i not love myself? do i not feel worthy of this?? am i simply a lazy slob??? no, whilst there may be elements of these suggestions, i feel that its a matter of discipline and commitment, of actually taking the first step, and simply, starting!

yes, quite radical really isnt it?! simply start! take the first breath, lie on the mat, stand in mountain and close your eyes, sit and place your hand on your heart and feel...it doesnt matter how you start, just begin. because i tell you what, once i begin, whatever the practice, whether it be yoga or source painting, i cant stop! yes truly. i dont want to stop once i have begun. i always get amazed at why i had to reorganize my wardrobe before my practice today! and desire to keep moving my energy ALWAYS happens! remarkable isnt it!

do you know why i feel like i just want to carry on stretching and breathing, or sinking into my bones, or stroking the paint onto the paper? because it feels so deeply delicious. it feels right. i feel alive, even if what i connect to is uncomfortable or painful. i feel like i am home. blimey! after all that struggle it feels like a cool glass of water on a hot day and that feels mighty fine indeed!