trapeze

trust

hmmm...its nearly 3 am (am sure theres a leonard cohen song that refers to that time of day!) and my lil fingers itch to tap away and see what words take shape under the influence of tired wearyness and quiet reflection

i am feeling a sense of potential possibility hovering in the air around and above me...almost i am able to reach up onto my tiptoes and pull it close towards me..yet alas it is slightly out of reach tho my fingers touch its edges teasingly...i have been thinking of wildness...juicy wildness... and how one can open up to drink in its influence upon our lives...wildness...

a soul stretching towards and dancing at its edges, surfing the place of known and unknown..diving and dancing between the two..willingly..delightfully.. invitingly...

a life of passion oozing from each pore..its scent intoxicating us and the folk and the world around us...a heart open wide so wide that nothing is denied, nothing is resisted..with true innocence we throw open the doors and windows of our self and stand naked, the light blinding yet illuminating everything...

i love the phrase 'do what makes your heart sing'..it seems so simple yet for me right now there is a conflict within...you see i have all i need in my life.. i have love, family, friendships, work i love, creativity exploding on my living room floor as i write, freedom, health and support...and yet..and yet...something feels amiss...i kinda sense its shape and hue..i hear its whispers in my ear..but you know what is in the way? fear..yes my friends.. god ole big fat fear!

i want to dive in.. i yearn to shake off the confines of fears companionship and say 'what the hell!'...i ask for courage..i make myself vulnerable and say 'fuck! im scared! please help me!'..i want to keep open no matter what and jump into that unknown and dance at the edge of uncertainty, knowing that as long as i listen inwards i will be ok..as long as i trust...

why is that so hard to do? this is what i ask for this year..to face fear and still say 'yes' to the wildness that calls from someplace deeper within me..to believe.. to breathe... to surrender.. to feel.. to live as fully as i possibly can...

amen!