luxuriating in solitude

'tenderness'...acrylic on canvas

luxuriating in solitude....mmmmm....say that out loud!...luxuriating in solitude....delicious...kinda purrs off ya tongue, rolling around one's palette like a fine cognac!!

feeling decadent...a desire to wear feathers and little else..to cavort on silken sheets with a hazy soundtrack of blue smoked french tones on the stereo...time stopped and lights low...

wait a moment..who am i kidding?!...(oops i can hear the needle scratched abruptly as its lifted away from the vinyl)...lets rewind here...or, to be fair in case you have just switched to the alchemy channel, 'what are you talking about sweetie??'

well, in lieu of the real thing, i am talking bout the wonder of cave like dwelling that has swept over me in particularly these last few days...the new moon heightening the inner calling, to take refuge, nay, sanctuary in a cave of one's choosing, as the quest to step openly towards mid winter beckons his boney little fingers!...my cave? why, am glad you asked...my cave dear ones seems to have become the sacred abode of my bed!

ah..visions of folk hanging out, singing songs, tuning in and dropping out may come to mind..but no, this is no lennon love in..there's only one golden ticket, and apart from teddy (special guest, old friend, been through a lot together etc. etc.!) admittance right now is strictly a solo affair!

and yes, tho feathers n satin should feature on any savvy ladies wish list, the reality is, favoured pyjamas, 15 year old indian blessed blankets, and fantastical dvd box sets do just mighty fine! oh yeah...lets add some knitting, weaving a little boat (dont ask), and journalling and this lil cave is calling my name :-)

for the first time in so many years i embrace the coming season of winter...i open my fleece coated arms and hold him against my belly like a hot water bottle...this year i have my self as companion...to hang out together, to bide the time together, to chuckle at our jokes together, and to dream together!

as i continue to gather all that i need into the potent place of hermity hibernation (chocolate marzipan, vampire books, fabrics, good tunes, a wide brimmed hat...) i take my foot gently off the pedal, step outta the wheel and take a big breath out..you know what?...if i stop all my rushing and all of my doing, i think, that just maybe, it will be all right..that i will be all right...that i wont miss out, or be forgotten, or left behind...as i let go for now of 'having to get there!' (even tho i have no clue as to what 'there' is!!) i rest simply in the now..resting in this moment..with my self

hmmm..think i'll raise a glass of port to that!

now, if you'll excuse me...my bedcave beckons

xxx