drop n give me 20 (winks that is!!)

'rest those weary bones'
(painted at the tues art salon...made me realise i need to give my bones a sacred resting place...a way to show myself that i love and honour all of me!)

the sky's blackness covers me like a thick blanket...do you know how i feel this fri eve?...am so so tired that i have this whirring sensation all the way through my body...i kinda feel like i have been riding a train all through the night on some exotic land...how i love those journeys, watching the new world changing its shape, the smells, sights, sounds and experiences washing through my senses...and then arriving, at a strange platform, sometimes in the wee hours of the night, disorientated, shaken, bones still rattling...exhaustion pulling at the corners of my mind to simply stop, rest and go to ground

ah...the ground..the earth...the largest surface of horizontal bedding down one can imagine!..still..silent...strong...breathing its motherly comfort into our ears

this week dear ones autumn has jumped outta its box and 'booed' us rudely into the dawning of a new season!...blimey!...erm...god/dess?..arent we due perhaps a tad more summery warmth before the lights go out and the thermals go on??..apparently not to be folks..damn!...and so this week, well certainly here in the north of england, the temperature began to hiss a cool vibe, and the winds began their dance...

the winds...oh my...(or should that be 'lions n tigers n winds..oh my!!'?)...according to ayurveda, this shift into the season of autumn brings with it an increase in the dosha of vata...vata is the quality of dryness, of wind, air, lightness...it gives us movement and the ability of quick thinking and superman power like nimbleness!...and yet too much vata can imbalance us...cause us to become too heady, minds hyper, routines knocked on their heads, and a sense of, quite literally sometimes, being blown around without our control!

talking to friends and students this week this appears to have affected us in some way..for me its affected my sleep, and this openly proud night owl has surpassed her self by finding the hour of sleep pushing dawn many an eve...thats not good folks...not even for me!

so what to do?...well..there are some practical tips i can offer you...stay warm, especially at the back of your neck; begin to eat more warming, earthy foods, such as root veg, and hearty soups; treat yourself to an oil massage after you bathe (good organic sesame oil is good for this); and try and implement a routine to your days...essentially, as we pull away from the firey summery months it is time to honour the pull towards the earth...so rest more, stop more...and when you can, get yourself to the ground!

thats right folks...make like a cat and find somewhere to pull that blanket over you, curl up and take the advice of those spanish cousins...siestas rock!

so its an early one for me tonight...im off for some zzzzz's!..night night xx

intimacy

its september...2:28am...a hot bubbling bath awaits with expectant innocence of my arrival...and yet...this blog lures me to its portal where my tapping fingers creates who knows what...ahhh..am in a deeper space...that late night..dark sky...no time...no cares...kinda limbo place i dearly cherish...at this hour it feels like time stands still for me...bringing a chance to catch up with my self...my self that i have been busily ignoring for a few days...busily distracted by work n play...

do you know what? something strange is happening...strange because lil cracks seem to be appearing in the well worn story of my mind...the story? the fabled tale with the same twisted ending each time i recall it?..yeah that one...its the story of 'what i want'....hmmm...what i want hey?...i thought i knew what i wanted...and yet... right now..i dont know anymore..something has shifted..something is shifting..and i aint got a clue whats going down!

geez...a sombre posting sweet heart...maybe..maybe not...when i first decided to blog it was for 2 reasons...the first is that i needed a website for the 'alchemy of the arts' events...and secondly, more personally, it was to take my writing, n crazy musing, outta the lonely solace of my journals, and out into the grand big wide open world!...why?...well..and this is part of whats a changin for me...let me tell you a story...

once upon a time (oh come on, everyone likes a story that starts with those words!)...once upon a time a slightly sparkly n rather shy girl took her steps of independence from the world of family n out into the cemented streets of the world..well ok..manchester..

generally quite alarmed by the presence of most folk who crossed her path, n perplexed by the human game most of the time, she found a way to make it look like she was a part of the show...yes she became a yoga teacher, and yes she wandered the world and treaded her red earthed coated feet onto shores exotic and new, and she had a variety of dalliances with an assortment of strange n beautiful creatures, and she had friends and a place to live and looked like every other human bean that walked the streets (tho she was always fabulously dressed..that has to be said!)...

she was holding a secret close to her heart...a secret that meant she didnt have to touch the world fully...a secret that meant, in turn, that the world couldnt touch her fully either...what was this secret?...well, its very simple...she had a veil..a walled veil over her heart...a veil so fine that it was almost imperceptible to the human eye..and yet so tough, like the hardest skin of a leather coated animal primed to never ever be dented by the sharpest of blows!

fine..she thought...fine

and yet it wasnt....fine that is...far from it...she felt separate, isolated and the once revered title of outsider that she had made her own wildly n proudly, felt a poor substitute for the deepest desire she held inside...the desire my darlings..was for intimacy..

intimacy..

into me you see...is one way a friend once broke this word down for me...into me you see..gee..really??..yikes!...

so starting this blog was this shy girls step of lifting the veil..of peeking her face out from beneath...of saying...'this is me'...i have often struggled with the question of how much do i share?...how much should i share??...now i feel like fuck it!..i will share whatever i want to...take the risk...offer myself as i am...take it or leave it...here i am...well...tentatively..slowly...one step of my pointed studded boots at a time!

and yet...this last few years has seen my practices deepen...my intimacy with my own body, its stories, its hurt, its joys...the power of movement...the deep shamanic wisdom of the creative arts...its shifting me...rearranging me...and the little veil is beginning to crack...little cracks...yet, as leonard cohen would say, 'the cracks are where the light gets in'...

as i engage more intimately with my sweet n tender self...i feel the threads between myself n the world tighten..as the journey towards deepening intimacy with the world continues, my 'what do i want' no longer makes sense...

'what do i want?'...right now..in this new n fragile place..i do not know... maybe i dont need to know...maybe as this new awareness grows all will become clear...

signing out...wishing you sweet dreams

thank you for 'seeing into me' x

willing and able...

ferris bueller

a little bit of prince on the stereo to inspire this lil lady...in fact its been quite an evening of nostalgic tunes, from the aforementioned pint size member of royalty, to the man eating (well who knows??!!) fine young cannibals!...so a jolt back to my youth....so, what can i recall?...

well, apart from the cringe inducing obligation of surviving body changes, sexual exploration, very bad hairstyles (dodgy perm anyone??), house parties, acid house, and the memories of feeling like the 30 odd year olds in the clubs we fakingly found our way in to were sooo old!!, there was also a sense of so much time ahead...yep..in the dawning of adulthood (ugh..such a 'responsible' word) there is oodles of time to work out what we want..no rush...relax..chill out...there is also a sense of optimistic hopefulness...now..i dont remember that part per se but i see it all the time on the fresh faces of the billions of students that arrive to spend the next 3 years or so living the vida loca in manchester finest walls of academia (or rather, pubs, bars n clubs...bless em!)

along with 'hope' arrives its cousin 'faith' (and no, am not going to add 'charity' or else this will simply be a list of cher's childrens names!)...so..faith..hello there...how ya doing?...what do you have to say for your self young lady???....known as shraddha in hindu philosophy this is not really about godly faith but instead shraddha means something closer to 'trust' or 'conviction'...it can also mean confidence or trust in oneself and one's practice...

so we find ourselves back sat with our little friend 'trust' again...such a little word with such a huge potential...so...how does shraddha affect us as we 'grow up'?..well i have been thinking about the difference between 'will' and 'willing'...the first word implies a force, a direct intention, a use of ones own willpower and ego self to move towards something...sometimes when using my 'will' i find myself like a pushing n a shoving to get whatever it is i am focusing on..often i kinda abuse my will and not suprisingly can find myself worn out..yet the second word, 'willing' has a softer quality, a gentleness, an openness to life thats not all about us having to do the work...it is a quality imbued with shraddha, with trust, with a sweet surrender that maybe, just maybe, the desire our heart reaches out for may bear its juicy fruits!...all we have to do is say 'yes' and in the quiet softness we may hear our inner guidance supporting us and holding our hand as we step mindfully into the path we are choosing!

i am choosing 'willingness' as my new partner to dance the steps of life's challenges with...will you join me?..or should i say..are you willing?

so soften up folks, relax back, and in the words of that great 80's philosopher ferris bueller 'life moves pretty fast. if you dont stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it!'

just for today...

just for today, i fell in love with...my inability to awaken before 11a.m,

just for today, i fell in love with...the wrinkles on the back of my hands, and the aching doubt across my shoulder blades,

just for today, i fell in love with...moving n shaping n flowing n curling from yoga moves to dance and back again,

just for today, i fell in love with...the grinning gaza enthused street bookseller and the 2 pound book on 19th century woodcarvings,

just for today, i fell in love with...the sheer impossibility of walking past a second hand clothing store, and the 3 unsuitably risque n slightly sparkly items of clothing that came home with me!,

just for today, i fell in love with...devouring a whole bag of pick n mix sweets, feeling the wiring whirl of their e numbered make up happily delighting my belly (lil white choc skulls are my favourites),

just for today, i fell in love with...reconnecting with an old dear friend, with talk littered with wonders of ninjas, pumpkin cake, gandhi, tightrope walking and art,

just for today, i fell in love with...learning that in past centurys there was a practice in china called 'ghost marriages', whereby a highly respectable business woman could marry the corpse of a highly respectable, but dead!, man, in order to free themselves from the burdens of a conventional married life!,

just for today, i fell in love with...edward cullen (sigh), again! (* i think i may be erotically attracted to the undead!),

just for today, i fell in love with...the simplicity n purity of a white candle, white flowers and red apple, welcoming in the company of angels,

just for today, i fell in love with...a hot bath filled with sea salts n rose petals, lighted candles, a juicy apple, n thoughts of snow white,

just for today, i fell in love with...the seeming impossibility of sleeping before 3 am, and so i got up n composed these musings,

just for today, i fell in love with...my self...simply..as.. i am

buenos noches dear folk xxx

autumn alchemy retreat

this weekend's theme is 'preparing to rest our bones'...a time to begin honouring the journey inwards, to gently hold what may be in the way for us to rest, to sigh deeply in surrender, and to allow the darkening months to replenish and nurture what we bring into its depths..this is a weekend of movement (yoga and dance), rest (meditation and relaxation), and play (art making, delicious food, and gorgeous company)..all held in the delightful countryside surroundings of our venue...

the retreat holds 9 of us in journey together over the weekend...booking is essential..all welcome

for more info, or to book your place, contact me at dragonflyyoga666@hotmail.com or on 07796 420465

'awake'

'shakti spirit rising'

'bird woman'

new art prints of these paintings now available from my etsy shop xxx

the raw material of life and art

'them bones need a tending to'

tuesday evening and as the police sirens, helicopters and a dissatified and disillusioned youth created their dance of chaos outside on the streets of the city, 4 folk gathered at 'home studio' for one of my twice monthly 'alchemy art salons'...

it seemed appropriate to ask 'do we want to be here?'...perhaps the desire to settle back into the comfort of our own abodes may have been calling...and yet all of us said 'yes!'...why?...a strong impulse not to run away in fear, to turn our backs helplessly, the consensus was that maybe, just maybe, we could do our bit to add some healing and love...to use the creative energy inherent in us to create a little bit of love for the city we live in... and so we did, offering out our evenings play as our response to the craziness surrounding us...

and we danced, and shook our bones..we breathed deeply allowing the full feeling to flood through our limbs.. and we painted where we were and what we felt...

last night i watched the beautiful and moving documentary 'breath made visible'...an inspiring film of the life of dancer and visionary anna halprin...one of the comments she made in response to a challenging event in her life really struck me:
' what you do have control over is how you cope with what happens...art is one way...its not the only way...but its my way...'

here here sister! it doesnt matter what your 'art' is...for anna her art was her dance...its all about using what we have to create..it doesnt have to be 'perfect' or 'professional'...its simply making something out of the raw material of life...so grab your guitar, put on your tap shoes, choose your favourite writing tool..and let it flow, freely, with passion, and with curiousity, and see what your soul can offer in service to not only your life and heart, but that of the world around you...

make art of your life...and life of your art xxx