Monday, 7 January 2013

40daysbefore40 day 14: itchy and scratchy and butterflies xxx

today i am tired...tired and finding myself a lil itchy n am not referring to any particular pox labelled assortment, more of the internal hard to get to variety

first day back at work..well i say work but i am truly blessed that what i 'do' is such a joy, teaching yoga, guiding folk to find their way in through the din, until meeting the world that lies inner side be meeted and struck me today that when we 'meet' the body, heart and mind with our loving attention, it tends to give us gifts...a lil like xmas guests, bringing something to share with you...sometimes those particular treats are indeed very welcomed, and sometimes we distinctly are not smitten...and yet, so it is with this crazy form that we call body, the mythical sphere we name the heart, and the hard to pin down realm of the mind...they each offer us gifts, presents eager for our acknowledgement

so today am feeling edgy..irritated woke me up with a belly of unease...its back to school and suddenly the reality of 'aha here we go again', life does not simply shift over night with a wave of a wand and a bloody good intention!! siree!..ok so i know this and i do feel clearer and emptier post new year dance, and goddamn i was certain it was only yesterday all felt shiny and new...but...but...well back to reality, and, here come the 'hows??!'

how do i change things??!! how do i shift this situation?! how will it ever change???!! whoah whoah there sweetie..lets just take a moment to breathe..yes thats right, take a few deep breaths and hold ya horses ;-)

you see, last year felt like the year of 'emergence' (if ya had to put a word on it)...emerging from my little pod above the world...emerging from the deep dark dank well of inertia's land, a little startled, somewhere in the middle...i think one calls that place..ermm...being!!

so here i am..trying to be ;-) (yes i know, such a jester!), and what i know i struggled with last year, well one of the challenges that was difficult for me, was the 'i want to move on in my life NOW!!!' (you can almost hear verucca salt in the background)...watching friends move on in their lives, both physically and literally, left me with a rising sense of panic...a cry of 'please dont let me get left behind!' and i guess i was grasping largely at a life that was not mine to grasp towards...they were ready...i still need more time

a friend informed me recently, and i do apologise if you already have this piece of information stored away to enchant some sweet soul with one day, that when a butterfly emerges from its cocoon, its pupa, it does not immediately take cannot...firstly, the wings are very small, the body of the butterfly is full of liquid and over the space of a few hours this liquid transfers itself to pump up the wings, so to speak..then the wings are sun dried (tho not as far gone as the delicious tomato type), until, this beautiful creature is finally ready for flight

nature is fucking amazing

and so, only recently finding my wings, watching in wonder as they take shape and become form, patience is needed here...and trust...lets throw in a lil faith too...they are definitely forming..let them fill..let them expand..and let them become firm and strong with the touch of the sunlight

and let me be willing to meet and greet this irritation, this desire to harden to life...for i know, i sense, that beneath this itch, below this scratch lurks a few drops of sadness, a few furls of fear...and thats ok

may i be grateful for all that i am and all that i have and all that is present in this simple singular moment now off to watch true blood....escaping to the world of vampires and werewolves, witches and fairies...bliss xx 

so please enjoy this video i stole off youtube, tho i have credited the rightful gratitude xxx 

 Neil Bromhall



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