Tuesday, 29 January 2013

40daysbefore40 day 36: hands up if you're a member of the AA?? xx

when one thinks of the AA (and am sure that cannot be terribly often!), there seem to be only two modes of possibility...the first, a kinda perfunctory, grey slate, get the motor running honey, automobile call out doctor...and the second, that twelve step, climb the ladder outta the well of addiction
well...let me introduce a third, brand spankingly new option...
 ta da!!
welcome to AA, 2013 stylee!
this AA, my dears, is the worn on my fridge with pride, magnet symbol of all who subscribe to the 'Accept and Appreciate' motto...yep...its the way forwards i feel, and certainly two of my words for this year :-)
so, lets see how it works...well, there are no membership fees to pay, and no funky small print...just a willingness to paint the day with those two heart opening words
let me give you an example, as is my want for this 40 day practice, i will use my day as a blueprint:
after astrummin n awarblin til late last night for yesterdays premiere of my 'lil red deer' song (what? you missed it? not to worry, you can catch it here)...i fell into bed at some ridiculous hour of the wee witchy pre dawn time, and so awoke feeling, not so distinctly different, to our undead compratriots, namely, the zombies...yes, i faced the undead staring me back in my bathroom mirror...acceptance? why of course! appreciation? that befell onto the one beauty product that convinces me that god is a woman...blusher ;-)...aaah a human like semblance to fool the world!!

couldnt face the busy city ping pong, so, accepting that i needed to be gentle with my sweet sleepy self, on went the ear phones, ipod switched to shuffle, and lo and behold, immediate transportation to the land of music...another tick for the appreciation box :-)...god! do you ever have those days when you just want to live inside music?? thats me today..even now, writing these words, i am drawn to the pulse of the beat, faithless flavoured...i accepted that i was unable (maybe unwilling? oh well), to be present today...instead i gave in to the lure of my mind's theatre...each song creating a panorama of fancy footwork, and flashdance style moves..yes, i will admit, i have spent a good portion of this grey skied, damp, tuesday, in a wondrous mind whirl of dancing...dancing in ways in reality would disappoint my bones...and i totally and utterly let myself indulge...acceptance and mighty fine appreciation for this is how it is!

walking to work, protected by my barrier of sweet and funky sounds, i became an observer, a ghost to the criss cross stream of faces around me...i smiled at them, marvelling at how bizarre us human creatures are :-)...i wished that there was a way to roll to work, on the ground, earth pressing my limbs...we have bus lanes, and pedestrian paths..how about a rolling way?!, carpeted by the freshest warmed soft grass, for those days when walking upright away from gravity, seems like too much hard work ;-)...appreciation for the surrealness on my mind xx

afternoon came, and a visit to a neighbour i hardly know...having found out it was his 50th (is everyone either 40, 50 or 60 this year?? it certainly seems that way)...and what a world i entered! entering his flat, to my utter surprise and delight, was just like walking into aladdin's cave...i cant even describe to you the joy that arose for me!...trinkets galore...no wall left uncovered with all sorts of photos, paintings and random images...niknaks everywhere, in cabinets, on tables, shelves...i felt like i had wandered into a treasue trove (and i had to smile at the fact his television was showing some kinda antique dealin daytime show :-) )...sitting in this otherwordly den, i openly voiced my appreciation, and i will never look at this guy in the same way again ;-)

lying on the ground was my practice this afternoon...acceptance that even though i wanted to do some stretching or movement based work, this was how it was...appreciation for the ground, my blanket, and my tired and aching body

another class, another opportunity to practice acceptance...sometimes i feel myself get all 'hard' (no am not being strangely rude!) when faced with students who seem to possess no body awareness at all...ok a lil judgement alert coming up!...these are ususally university students, the very youthful mini adults...i have noted times when i have felt frustrated teaching them, and so, today i had a chance to change this...a choice :-)...and so i did...i let them be...a slight suggestion of an adjustment, a vocal instruction, a tender hand on the back, and i smiled...alot...at the humanness, that possesses us all (and i so enjoyed teaching them, that i didnt even realise that we were right at the end of the class!...aha..so the powers on the AA really work!!)

and to my early evening wonder...part of my day's daring...being filmed for a student dance film...just me, white walls, lights, shadows, and a phillip glass tune that makes me cry when i hear it...accepting that, yes i had blagged my way into this guy's project, and having sheepishly admitted that am not a 'real' dancer, that here i was, having chosen to go for it...and i did!...and you know what?...it was pretty cool..i loved it, even if i was tired and not as well focused as i could be, a beautiful collaberative project has begun...how very exciting! and you know what? it was the first time i had seen myself dance on film...and it was ok :-)...appreciation for my self, for my gall, and for the beautiful shapes my body makes when seduced by music

and so...here i am...back feeling held, eyes sore and desiring to close, mouth dry, belly a lil tight...noticing that my heart is not fully open, no space inside as need to sleep and uncurl like the accordion...and i smile into it all...here i am...and i accept and appreciate it all..its all my life in this moment and its all just perfect as it is (even the 'hard' parts of me that close away in fear)

halleluyah! xxx
p.s. fancy your own AA magnet for your fridge? (so you can accept the fact that your reaching in for a piece of that dark chocolate inside, knowing your gonna fully appreciate its taste in your mouth ;-) ), then let me know, and i will send one out to you...with love and a big smile of course!!

No comments:

Post a Comment