Thursday, 24 January 2013

40daysbefore40 day 31: i gotta hand it to you ;-) xx

they are a strange set of appendages aren't they?!...many boned, including the only saddle joint in the whole body in the thumb, flexible, pliable, capable of pain and cahoots with each other like a flesh filled waldorf and statler a la the muppets...our hands are a myriad memory holding, life engaging, and lets face it, are pretty goddamn well blessedly important for most of our every day activities

i have been thinking about hands alot recently...fascinated and enthralled by their constant changing, from temperature dropping blue hue, to aglowing post aerobic sweat, and the ever give away of that lil process of aging!

i love my hands...they are like puppeteers of their own device...strangers yet amicable enough..if i listen closely i can hear their words, their whispers and their laments deep into the night...sometimes when my attention is called to their dance, i feel their sadness, their hopes and longings...

i guess i have been called to reflect upon my hands in response to a little niggle that has arisen from this 40 day prayer...entering the final countdown i began to wonder, 'have i done enough?', 'did i do what i set out to do?', and this seed of thought, 'why havent i, an artist, created more, well, art??'

over new year, when giving over all demands for the year ahead to the body, heart, mind and soul (as opposed to the great controller in the mind box, sat in his tight leathers, lips stern and a hundred papers scanned for a perfectly planned execution!!) of the needs that arose for me was to feed my creative soul more struck me that, for whatever reason, in 2012, this need was quite starkly met...some part of me was really thirsty, parched in fact, and was seeking respite from drinking deep from the well of that might strike you as odd...surely, that is how i live no?...and as i recall, i understand that life is art and living life creatively is nothing to do with having to craft the next picasso piece or rossetti ruble!

but something has been amiss...i have indeed created last year, but im not sure how much was for my soul, and how much had a tinge of commercial possibility not suggesting that, like the venn diagram of school days, they cannot overlap, but i just got to wondering...there is so much i yearn to offer into life, through the gifts that i have been blessed with, my imagination and skills graciously received, that i do not, quite frankly, give myself time and space to dive into and explore

this has made me think about this project...have i given myself enough time to dive and explore? was it simply not enough to just begin? i fear that, there may be some medicine in there for me...this is my practice, and do i still give my heart and create space each day just for this unfolding? now i do not necessarily have the answers clear..and let me assure you that i am immensely proud and pleased that 31 days in (31 days!!!) i am still turning up each day to offer myself and my has made me wonder, as to how committed, dedicated, passionate and utterly crazed am i to jump straight in head first and get submerged in this one way stream! much do i dare??

maybe if this project was happening during the mightier firey months of spring and summer i would feel more energised to do and create more? or maybe, what i have offered and shared is just perfect in itself?...hmmm..i acknowledge that part of me, that 'am i enough?' beleif that still has its hold, and i kiss it tenderly and sigh, gratefully, that this is how it is, and this is more than enough...and if i am honest, if i was to, all stepford wife, show up each day proffering a new fancy creation, well, quite honestly, that wouldnt be authentic...this is my truth right now, and thats all that i can lay down at your feet :-)

so today i want to honour my hands...the stories our hands hold is a wonder and a often do we get to let them speak, to share and to be heard?

maybe your hands helped bring your child into the world...or saved a life by their care...maybe your hands stroked the brow of a loved one as they passed from this life...or perhaps they saved your own life on more than one occasion...maybe your hands can beat time on the tabla faster than seems humanly possible...or beat the living shit out of your pillow!...even plant the mirage of magic with a deck of cards...maybe your hands are gifted in the art of massage..or have won you gold medals in the ring...maybe your hands are youthful and just beginning to open to life...or perhaps they are withered, struggling to dance, filled with endless tales of a life fully lived...

sometimes my hands are playful and others they are shy and awkward...they have sifted sand, and brushed against silk...they have played in the muddy earth and peeled a hands help me write these words and for that i am grateful xx

it beleive its time to say thank you for their presence and animated beauty, for being my allies as i often stumble through the tunnel of my life

so here is a lil video, hosted by my hands today (alas my ongoing neolithic media issues still haunt so its a simple affair)

enjoy xxx

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