40daysbefore40 day 21:art, shyness and the undead

 

i found a vampire tooth today

in my lunch bowl

ok so maybe, just maybe, it had some kinda connection to the avocado i was eating at the time ;-)...but i like to beleive otherwise

im in love with vampires, their legends and fables, the mythic quality of these dark time beings...with my penchance for the night time im sort of a pseudo vampire myself!...actually all the undead 'monsters' fascinate me...i mean who the hell started writing about these creatures? where did these tales come from?...i recall reading a wonderful book by the ethnobotanist and researcher wade davis 'the serpent and the rainbow' many years back, about the supposed potent plant that had the ability to create the zombie effect...he travelled to haiti and his searching, characters met and experiences with voudon are absolutely extraordinary and very courageous/risky/foolish of him to step into that world of magic and ritual...worth it though for us, the arm chair explorer!

i am dabbling in the art of writing stories...i have found a medium i love to pull at and unravel the knots and threads and form them into new tales...i guess writing for so many years in my journals, and then offering my mind's clamouring on these pages, has opened up a new world of creating out of thin air to be captured with an invisible grasp of the hand and channelled thro our fingertips, or brush, pen or other such tool of choice

i have recently been collating a variety of tales, that of the ole fashioned fairy tale kind...of places where all is possible simply by the mere entering the dark forest of the mind's imagination

i remember i wrote a play once..aged 11...junior school...written in my lunch breaks and performed to a classroom full of fellow pupils...it was called 'a lesson for the wolves', and it involved kids setting fire to their home...i would like to add that, as a true artist, pulling on her life's experiences, this was rather more than inspired by the recent, ahem, fire that consumed the upstairs attic floor of our victorian home...three young children, panic, and fire engines...nightdresses and rushing to rescue teddies and electronic games (all the rage then!)...and being questioned, one at a time, in a line awaiting his turn, my lil brother (bless him) breaking down in tears with the revelation of his misdoing!!...noone hurt...not too much damage...a little boy cured of his youthful pyromania stage of life...

i loved to act when young...a shy whippet of a gal i wanted a role in the xmas play...high school now...aged about 14...i got the part, ghost of xmas past (how apt now i think about it with my love of the undead ;-) )...and then something happened...the claw of shyness pulled me into her den...sweet shyness, a quality so often overlooked or misunderstood, curdles if left unnoticed into hiding away...so i remember seeing the director (a teacher??)...telling him (her?) i couldnt do it...and pulled out, pulled in, and my yearnings for the stage lights and entrance to a conjured world faded away

i own my shyness now..she's a sweetie...and as i step into this next decade i desire to follow that dream...i have an opportunity to dance on film, to explore a slightly more risque erotica avenue with a dear and creative and slightly naughty friend, and today i have applied to be involved with a musical collaberation, and inquired about a dark clown workshop

i wish to traverse the realm of body as art..to delve into that possibility as i stretch my legs into my forties i call this in...i wish to do this mindfully, truthfully, with integrity and presence...mmmmm...sounds delicious to me!

and so...back to writing now...yes its time too to give these little seeds of stories an airing, to water them with time and patience and see how they grow...

im sensing the growth of my life as art in this new decade and i know its up to me to start, to put in the effort and let it all sparkle like a freed up firework :-)...and to pepper and season it all with my shy heart and gentle humanness xx

so i leave you today with a little lady, a hugely brave and beautiful woman, who died on this date 35 years ago (for a little more info about her press on here) 

anais nin...poet, writer, woman, lover, muse, lived her life with her own rules, her own sense of beauty...a role model for feminity..i think she's wonderful...yeh to inspirational dreamers and artists doing their own thing and adding to the beauty depth and nuance of life xxx