an offering
simple and true
right now in this moment as i face this empty page (screen?!) what am i aware of?...i have not arrived with a story today, no ideas floated to the top of the lake to be fished out, squeezed and presented like the finest seaweed
no...today its just me...no photographs of clever angles or light...no art crafted from the craftiness of my fingers...no researched muse has guided this post
here i am...naked and open and with 'now what?' as my only clue to this daily treasure hunt
hmmmm
so...my truth in this moment
my knees are held bowed beneath me as i sit here, arms extended, shoulders a lil uneasy reaching to piano play the keys...
my belly tight, with sugar cake and coffee combo an echo of the early evening friend's birthday jaunt to victorian tea rooms...my belly full of laughter and girlfriends; of stories of old ladies who seep lace; of the magic and haunted mystery of the number 138; of snowflake catching with tongues and hands emptying to the invisible; of live pianists; of gloves with no hands; and of joyous moments of the warmth of friendship and love...
my left shoulder blade feels tight...
my nose is cold despite my home style woollen hat wearing and heater stroking the left side of my arm and hip...
my eyes close for a moment and i notice how tired i am, of city life, of stimulation, of busyness and planning, and i know that all i need right now is the hot bath that awaits my sinking into, and the horizontal plane that my mattress invites me to adopt...
i welcome it all..i invite it in, the aches, the cold, the tiredness in my bones
its all me right now, its all the costume i wear, my experience of this wonder at being human...and i soften to meet it all and feel my body shift to recieve my greeting...
my breath deepens and my shoulders enliven and move...so do my hips now and i am surprised...suddenly i feel 3D once more and i release my legs, typing with one finger as i seek to do so...cross legged now, more animated and feeling the ripples of energy, of spirit caressing the inside of the walls of this vessel
i am grateful...grateful for this moment and how powerful awareness can be...grateful for my day of teaching, of a job that keeps me mindful and present and always, without fail, lifts my heart...grateful for my loved ones and for laughter and silliness...grateful for cakes and flasks of homemade soup (thanks mom xx)....grateful that i have a warm home and am not on the streets searching for respite from the icy cold...grateful for hot water, a well stocked fridge, for olive tapenade on ryvita and port...grateful for a trashy magazine (mom again! ;-) ), and my ipod to carry a soundtrack to my day...grateful for the bus driver and the witchs way...grateful for students and for being continually surprised by my men prison folk that i love teaching...grateful for snow that blows straight at you so that if you run towards it its like going thro hyper speed a la star wars :-)...grateful for quiet and secondary glazing...grateful for a day off tomorrow and for myself for not making any plans...grateful that i am alive, and that this is my life
i am blessed
gratitude to you dear reader
night night xxx
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