Tuesday, 22 January 2013

40daysbefore40 day 28: i might as well face it im addicted to...

good evening....my name is heidi...and i'm addicted to...
no...not hard liquor
no...it isn't sneaking into ladbrokes on a galivant to gamble
and, no...neither is it crack (!)
(and at this point i must make comment that im terribly sorry if you have fallen down the darker hole of addiction...of course this is a painful and not a pleasant place to be...may you find peace and the courage to find the light again)
as mister palmer crooned in his charmingly charming way, way back in the late 80s...'i might as well face it i'm addicted to....erm...busyness'
ah yes...sorry to disappoint those of you looking for a late night early morning scoop...the truth is, that i seem to have cultivated an unhealthy propensity towards constant bloody doing!! (not literally bloody, as that might border on criminal activity!)
busy ness
propelled activity
like the hamster's wheel around and around i go
stopping to feed and sleep, to work and ablute
darting here and there on errands ever endless
lunching and dining and wining and making merry with dear ones
planning plotting worrying thinking 
sinking into exhausting myself
busy ness
even with my digital detox day there was so much to do!
now, i am very blessed...my life is rich and that is a wonderful thing to acknowledge, and that i do....and yet, making time this afternoon to carve out of the hours some space to pause and breathe and receive all of myself in the moment, it really struck me how driven by my left brain i am being at present...everything feels like its in lil boxes, linear paths and black n white lines (no, not those white lines ;-) )...
do you know that city life, with its concrete edges and straight lines, roads, streets and tetris shaped meanderings, actually, biologically, closes down the retina and lets less light in, less light hits the pineal gland, responsible for our seratonin levels and we feel a lil blue perhaps...conversely, in the countryside, where there are no straight lines, our eyes open up, the retina opens more and we receive more light, which, yep, hits the pineal gland, and, you got it, increases the levels of seratonin...our feel good hormones...hmmmm!
so....in my practice today, i felt this need...a need for 'no time', less busy doing ness (!)...for honouring the cyclical not linear cycles of our life...and in truth, the desire for dropping into my animal body...i felt my arms, they were warm and a lil aglow from the yoga practice prior to sitting...they felt soft and fleshy and i became aware of my womanly ness, my curves, my shape, and the breath that animates me...i felt the need for another human body...to revel in innocent sensual delight, of touch, of sensation and of the profound gift of physical connection with another...that intimacy which, let me be honest here, that one quite frankly feels lacking when not in the throes of a love affair
so...i asked a friend to hug me...and she did...and it was lovely
and then it got us thinking, and this expanded into the start of my class this evening, that wouldnt it be amazing if we could just ask someone on the streets for a hug if needed...or how about we see someone looking glum and we were able to offer them a hug...'an emergency hug' as one of my students called it this eve (thanks n xx)...i think its a wonderful idea!..maybe i will try it tomorrow on the streets of manchester :-)

so...yes...less doing...more hugging...and lets not just look to others for that balm...how about your pet? your favourite tree? teddy? or, your good and sweet and totally hug loving self!! xxx
so i leave you with this sweet dude, juan mann, who started the street 'free hugs' experiment a few years back...beautiful and moving...
hugs to you and sweet dreams

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